We returned back to our cozy, familiar flat after our 8 day trek on Saturday morning. We headed out last friday at 5 am with our packs ready to go. we hopped on a five hour bus ride to the bottom of the mountain and rode in a jeep up the mountain for another 2 hours to get to Puma, the first village we went to on our third week here. Puma was the name I got in Kona, so I was excited to return to disciple and expectant to see what God was going to do. We were welcomed with smiling faces and open arms. Our hut was ready for us to stay in and our dinner was prepared. The first night we showed the Jesus film and had a big turnout. We prayed for healing after and just talked to the village. The next day we went around in the morning to different houses and prayed for families, we got to help women in the fields for the afternoon. Needless to say, we were probably no help compared to how fast they are:) That night we showed the Passion of the Christ in their native language. We all felt God was going to do something big that night. We prayed throughout the film for hearts to be opened and our translators gave a short message when the film was over. As I looked around at this village- they were seated on top of the most gorgeous mountain I've ever seen, with scarfs and blankets huddled together to keep warm, with eyes wide open to what they were hearing. Our translator asked anyone if they wanted to accept Christ. No one moved. We felt like there was so much fear in the room and we told our translator, Ganga, to tell them that there is nothing to be afraid of- that there is no fear in Jesus- and if anyone wants a relationship with Him, they can have it right now. Immediately one man- who was considered the lowest caste of the village and such an outcast that he couldn't even sit under the same roof as the rest of the village- stood up. Right after him was one of the most important women in the village who stood up to accept Jesus. the highest and the lowest of this village felt a tug on their hearts and were ready to let Him in. and instantly after these two stood up, literally the entire village stood. Tears were falling and fear had left. they all wanted to accept Christ.
as we went around and led them in the salvation prayer, I couldn't help but cry. This was literally the most beautiful scene I have ever witnessed. An entire village, buried in the himalayas, came to know Jesus that night. tears streamed. my heart was racing.
they are a new creation.
we handed out every Bible we packed and told them to come back tomorrow for discipleship.
we left Puma with about 75 new brothers and sisters in the Kingdom. HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO OUR HEARTS. Here I was, a little speck of a human in Kona Hawaii and I get the word "Puma". so I type it into my iphone and see that it's a tiny village in Nepal. our third week we go, we love, we share Jesus, a few come to know him, and we leave with light hearts. we feel like Gods work isn't done there. so week 10 we return. and He clearly wasn't finished with these soft hearts. He captured them. and I stood there just thinking about his sovereignty over his creation. and how much He seriously is after His people. all of them.
he was jealously running after Puma. and I can't help but think that heavens rejoicing and the Father is weeping with tears of joy over them.
I've never seen anything like this. and He's taught me so much about His promises. He really does speak to us, guys:)
We left Puma and hiked down the mountain. Spent a few minutes in a river before catching an overnight bus to another village, this one in the terrain of Nepal, about five miles away from India. We got off the bus around 5 am and instantly I felt different. hundreds of people were out walking to the temple when we arrived. we walked a bit to the village and arrived at the house we were staying in.
dirt roads. foggy air. mud huts. animals everywhere. manure every other step you take. children gathered over fires to keep warm. and every set of eyes starring at us.
we sleep for a few hours and awaken to the sound of dishes being washed and chickens making noise. unfortunately, I was sick for the next three days and laid on my wooden bed while the team did ministry. for the next three days, they went to different villages and showed the Jesus film and prayed for people. they saw hundreds healed. they saw witch doctors take the tika (the paint on their foreheads claiming their religion) off their faces. this place was so hungry for more. their hearts were wide open to the gospel. People were constantly on our front porch wanting prayer. Ministry was literally outside our front steps. The greatest miracle of salvation. this is what I have seen over and over again. A Father bringing home His sons and daughters. He's beautiful.
before we caught the bus home, we went to a hindu temple nearby. A lot of animals are considered Gods, which is why they don't kill cows in Nepal. Cows walk around the temple and people worship them, because they believe that a cow could be someone in your family who died reincarnated. This temple was filled with dirt, animal manure, flies, and many people coming to sacrifice and give all they have to the temple. we got to pray for a few people, and one came to Christ while others were healed.
and this last week is filled with cleaning a house. saying goodbye to people that have become family. christmas shopping. packing. and trying to process the past three months and all that God did in our hearts and in this nation.
It's a weird feeling knowing this journey is closing. That this school is coming to an end. and to think that i haven't seen my family in 6 months is crazy. i absolutely cannot wait to see them.
I have so much excitement. the 11th we head out and fly to Bangkok and south Korea and Honolulu and from there we will arrive in Kona on December 12th after 45 hours of traveling. from the 12th to the 16th we debrief as a school, hear testimony about what God has done all over the globe the past three months, and hopefully head to the beach a few times before i return to winter:) i will be in Chicago December 17th.
As this season ends, and another one is about to start, it's been hard leaving here with no set plan. I've had a plan my entire life. the funniest part, is that I have never been more excited about the future and what God has. So much has happened over these six months, so many relationships have started, and to think where He is going to take me with all of that is the best feeling.
and I find myself being changed by His beauty day in and day out.
He has become my vision. my gaze.
the song, 'come away' by Jesus Culture has spoken so much to me. I'm not sure what's next, but He has crazy beautiful plans for all of our lives friends.
be blessed. cannot wait to see you:)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Beautiful Rescue
he exchanges BEAUTY FOR ASHES. he redeems and rebuilds. he awakens. and right now, he's beaming with joy.
Wednesday November 9th to Wednesday November 16th, 2011.
7 days.
2 girls.
1 industry. beginning to shatter.
Rescue and freedom in their midst.
chains have been broken.
the road of freedom is before their eyes. a dawn of light has appeared.
He is so beautifully faithful. It's foolish how much I find myself questioning this part of God. Does He see my heart? Does He know how much I break for these girls?
and he so mercifully and swiftly replied to my heart of wonder.
in 7 days, God showed himself to two ravishing Nepali girls who have been diminished into believing that they aren't worth more than selling themselves. trapped into thinking that this was going to be their life. with hopeless eyes and fear deep in their souls, they dance against their will. with no emotion they tread off stage and are beckoned to a booth to put on a smile and do what men say for a few dollars. this is their life. every night. its how food is put on the table. in a room permeated with smoke, drunk men, and sickening desires- these daughters of the King remain, night after night.
and who will be Jesus to them? who will fight for their salvation?
and as we enter this part of hell on earth, my heart skips a few beats faster and tears begin to fill my eyes ready to start pouring. i hold back as i try to look 'normal' with the three others i was with. and the reality of this injustice played out drastically before my eyes. and i sat quietly begging Jesus to use me as His vessel. there was nothing i knew how to do on my own. He was going to have to pull something together. all i desired to do was burst open the back door and grab every single woman and run. He had to move. and just a few minutes later, a waitress asked my name and my age. with broken english, our eyes met and we just smiled. i asked her if any girl knew english and she walked to the room where they all waited and got ready. a man came out holding a girls neck and she trotted slowly where he was leading, to our booth. in a skirt barely covering her butt, a face hidden by makeup, and glazed over eyes- we began to talk. eye contact was rare, a faint smile even more. my heart sank as i heard her story, one of poverty, lonliness and being convinced dancing was the glamorous life.
this precious heart longed for love and trust and acceptance. longed for rescue and freedom.a friend.
and the moment it clicked that we were there to do just that, everything changed.
joy radiated. a smile was painted across her face. laughter exploded. a story was told, maybe for the first time.
at the end of the night, I left being her best friend. with a number and a big hug exchanged, we were ready to fight for her. and this love drew her in and captured her.
persistence and commitment led to trust.
i so often wonder 'how to' do everything. how do we bring the kingdom of heaven to earth? what does it look like?
what was our part in this? 5 young believers, committed to God and to fighting for the lost. committed to running after what is breaking our hearts. committed to fervent prayer, believing he can and will rescue them. believing the Father is jealously running after His children.
for 7 days, we loved, we asked questions, we walked with her and told her about a Father who wants to welcome her into a family unlike what she has ever known. a man who wants real relationship. one who won't leave because its not an option. who will turn every idea of man she has had upside down. one who is committed.
and as we went back to this bar to sit and be her distraction during work, her heart began to soften more and more. she let go of buddhism, and accepted Jesus.
she was made new. and something switched in her heart- she felt peace for the first time. she felt joy and happiness. she was hungry.
we laughed. we cried. we loved deeply. we committed to these two daughters of the king.
3 days later a text says, "Jesus please i want to quit my job which i dont like plez help me out of this dirty world search and gave me a happy life, miss you"
the 4th, "i will pray all ready and he will help me i know because i trust him more than my life"
and 5 days later they stopped going into work.
the 6th day Jesus flung a door open and they had a job interview at a Christian bakery where they were accepted for jobs, as well as counseling and discipleship.
the 7th- we get a text that says, "ya quit the bar just missing you all of you love you a lot"
they quit. it is done. they have escaped.
and he has awakened two hearts. he's captured their gaze.
and at the very center of all of this, hope was ignited and joy has burst forth into their souls.
i believe firmly that these two precious women will begin a fire of rescue. their stories will spread rapidly and woman after woman will escape.
He's big enough.
It's His desire.
So it's ours too.
and the display of love healing a broken heart is why we keep going.
we won't cease until this industry is destroyed. not stopped, but wrecked.
until every girl has been won.
because they are worth it.
so, the fight continues, but today, two daughters have been welcomed home into the arms of their Father.
the angels are rejoicing and heaven is singing.
Praise the Lamb.
and as we sit in a cafe, late at night- drinking milk tea and diet coke laughing with each other we receive a text that says "oh Jesus i really love you trust you, you save my life, you gave me the new life. thanx Jesus"
and that is why we came to Nepal.
Wednesday November 9th to Wednesday November 16th, 2011.
7 days.
2 girls.
1 industry. beginning to shatter.
Rescue and freedom in their midst.
chains have been broken.
the road of freedom is before their eyes. a dawn of light has appeared.
He is so beautifully faithful. It's foolish how much I find myself questioning this part of God. Does He see my heart? Does He know how much I break for these girls?
and he so mercifully and swiftly replied to my heart of wonder.
in 7 days, God showed himself to two ravishing Nepali girls who have been diminished into believing that they aren't worth more than selling themselves. trapped into thinking that this was going to be their life. with hopeless eyes and fear deep in their souls, they dance against their will. with no emotion they tread off stage and are beckoned to a booth to put on a smile and do what men say for a few dollars. this is their life. every night. its how food is put on the table. in a room permeated with smoke, drunk men, and sickening desires- these daughters of the King remain, night after night.
and who will be Jesus to them? who will fight for their salvation?
and as we enter this part of hell on earth, my heart skips a few beats faster and tears begin to fill my eyes ready to start pouring. i hold back as i try to look 'normal' with the three others i was with. and the reality of this injustice played out drastically before my eyes. and i sat quietly begging Jesus to use me as His vessel. there was nothing i knew how to do on my own. He was going to have to pull something together. all i desired to do was burst open the back door and grab every single woman and run. He had to move. and just a few minutes later, a waitress asked my name and my age. with broken english, our eyes met and we just smiled. i asked her if any girl knew english and she walked to the room where they all waited and got ready. a man came out holding a girls neck and she trotted slowly where he was leading, to our booth. in a skirt barely covering her butt, a face hidden by makeup, and glazed over eyes- we began to talk. eye contact was rare, a faint smile even more. my heart sank as i heard her story, one of poverty, lonliness and being convinced dancing was the glamorous life.
this precious heart longed for love and trust and acceptance. longed for rescue and freedom.a friend.
and the moment it clicked that we were there to do just that, everything changed.
joy radiated. a smile was painted across her face. laughter exploded. a story was told, maybe for the first time.
at the end of the night, I left being her best friend. with a number and a big hug exchanged, we were ready to fight for her. and this love drew her in and captured her.
persistence and commitment led to trust.
i so often wonder 'how to' do everything. how do we bring the kingdom of heaven to earth? what does it look like?
what was our part in this? 5 young believers, committed to God and to fighting for the lost. committed to running after what is breaking our hearts. committed to fervent prayer, believing he can and will rescue them. believing the Father is jealously running after His children.
for 7 days, we loved, we asked questions, we walked with her and told her about a Father who wants to welcome her into a family unlike what she has ever known. a man who wants real relationship. one who won't leave because its not an option. who will turn every idea of man she has had upside down. one who is committed.
and as we went back to this bar to sit and be her distraction during work, her heart began to soften more and more. she let go of buddhism, and accepted Jesus.
she was made new. and something switched in her heart- she felt peace for the first time. she felt joy and happiness. she was hungry.
we laughed. we cried. we loved deeply. we committed to these two daughters of the king.
3 days later a text says, "Jesus please i want to quit my job which i dont like plez help me out of this dirty world search and gave me a happy life, miss you"
the 4th, "i will pray all ready and he will help me i know because i trust him more than my life"
and 5 days later they stopped going into work.
the 6th day Jesus flung a door open and they had a job interview at a Christian bakery where they were accepted for jobs, as well as counseling and discipleship.
the 7th- we get a text that says, "ya quit the bar just missing you all of you love you a lot"
they quit. it is done. they have escaped.
and he has awakened two hearts. he's captured their gaze.
and at the very center of all of this, hope was ignited and joy has burst forth into their souls.
i believe firmly that these two precious women will begin a fire of rescue. their stories will spread rapidly and woman after woman will escape.
He's big enough.
It's His desire.
So it's ours too.
and the display of love healing a broken heart is why we keep going.
we won't cease until this industry is destroyed. not stopped, but wrecked.
until every girl has been won.
because they are worth it.
so, the fight continues, but today, two daughters have been welcomed home into the arms of their Father.
the angels are rejoicing and heaven is singing.
Praise the Lamb.
and as we sit in a cafe, late at night- drinking milk tea and diet coke laughing with each other we receive a text that says "oh Jesus i really love you trust you, you save my life, you gave me the new life. thanx Jesus"
and that is why we came to Nepal.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
the home stretch:)
with one month left in nepal, my emotions seem incredibly scattered. I woke up this morning wondering where in the world time has gone. I'm sitting in our favorite coffee shop with the sun beaming through the windows listening to worship music and just in awe of what God has done in my own heart and in this nation over the past two months. I just skyped my family, and words just cannot express how excited i am to see their faces. I have so so deeply missed them.
I'm privileged to be standing on this soil for four more weeks. I'm honored to release the name of Jesus over hearts that have never heard. I'm humbled that He has chosen me for such a time as this, to be here, during this season. I'm wondering the changes that God has done in my heart. The things He has shifted, retied, opened up, dug up and then thrown out, refined, and planted in my heart. I'm excited to process all of this. I'm anxious to see my awaken family in kona and hear stories from all over the globe. I'm curious about the ways they have changed the nations they are in. The world is not the same as it was two months ago. The Father has welcomed home more sons and daughters.
Eternities were changed.
A family got bigger.
So, yes, I have a lot of emotions. All over the board. But my heart is full right now and ready to run hard for one more month after Him.
A lot has happened over the past month. But I just want to share one story that has altered my life a lot. It's been about 2 years since I felt like God has given me a heart for sex trafficking. I haven't known what to do with it, I've prayed for this industry and for these men and women trapped in this bondage. I've watched documentaries. Read stories. I've had it spoken over my life again and again during DTS from person after person. God's given me crazy dreams and vision for the future about sex trafficking and what I feel like He wants me to do. All beautiful things. exciting things. I've never felt more ready to run after something than I am with this. God has given me His heart for this like nothing else ever before. This is one huge mountain to move. and I'm stoked, because God is going to do it.
But two nights ago, I was in the midst of it. We entered into a part of the city that turns into a crazy world of sex trafficking, drugs, and alcohol as the sun falls. We spent most of the day worshipping and in prayer just asking for Gods heart and strength and protection as we go in. Me, another girl, and two guys on my team went into a dance bar soon after we got there.
Loud music. crowds everywhere. lights flashing. smoke filling the room. the wrench of alcohol. screaming. you can feel the weight of darkness. i'm scared. overwhelmed. ready to crack and run out the door.
and then i see. i see the girls that are 'dancers' here. they are beautiful women. i look into their eyes and there is nothing. no hope. no life. it's almost like they are dead. they have lost every bit of self worth and dignity in them. they dance with no emotion. its like they are puppets. it took everything in me not to run into the back room and grab these women and sprint out of the building with them. i didn't know how to just look normal while i was sitting there. we ordered cokes and just started to pray that God would open doors to conversations. i looked at the booth next to ours and watched as men tried to grab girls sitting next to them and whisper in their ears and the girls resist with everything in them and you can just see how much they hate what they do. you can tell they are trapped. its the most heart breaking scene thats been played in front of my eyes. I was asking God to show me what to do, to show me how to love these people. Soon after, one girl came up to me and just asked my name and told me how pretty I was and wanted to know where I was from. This happened 3 different times with different girls and I just got to try and love them for a few minutes. Each one told me they hated working there. You could see their desperation for love. I just pray that they could tell something was different in us. They didn't speak English too well, and so i asked one girl if I could talk to a girl who spoke English. She went into the back room and a guy came out holding a girls neck. He walked her to our booth and sat her down. With hesitation and resistance, she sat, with her head hung low and eyes fearful.
Her name is "Baby". She is 18. She is in the city alone. She hates working there but she is uneducated and doesn't know what else to do. She told me how much she missed her family. The second she realized that all I wanted to do was hear her story, she was beaming with joy. She couldn't stop smiling. It was like she had a little bit of life restored. I got to tell her how much Jesus loved her and we exchanged phone numbers. We have texted since then and I am meeting with her today. I have become her only friend here. I'm beyond excited to see where this goes and how God is going to move. Please pray that God would breakthrough this relationship and move in her heart. That she'd be free from this bondage and set free.
We feel really called to do this nightly, pretty much until Thanksgiving. Were stoked to invest in this so much over the next few weeks. So prayers for this would be so appreciated!
We are learning that ministry is loving the person in front of you. That everyday God has crazy divine appointments set up for you to love the person right in front of you. Learning to stop for the one. We can have plans and agendas, and those are great, but He sometimes has different ones, set up at different times:)
As I celebrated my 23rd birthday here in Nepal, I am overjoyed and beyond thankful for the 8 people I get to be here with.
My team spent a chunk of time in the morning just affirming me and encouraging me. The girls took me to make homemade banana bread at a dear friends house for the morning, including a hot shower (best birthday gift ever), when I got home the guys on my team had decorated our house with balloons and streamers, bought me yellow flowers, made me lunch, and even had gotten a present. We hung out for a bit and got in two taxis that soon dropped us off at the movie theatre..we saw Lion King in 3D. It was awesome. The day was beautiful. I will call these people family forever. They have dug such a special, deep place in my heart I don't think I knew people could get to. These eight are going to change this world. Just watch.
"when your memories are greater than your dreams, you're already beginning to die" This quote has been on my heart for a while now. I am someone who so easily can dwell on the past, or think a certain time of my life was 'the best' and have this crazy fear that nothing will compare. It's like when people tell you that 'college is the best four years of your life'- well that's great, but then what do we have to look forward to? It's almost depressing hearing that. Like we might as well not expect great things for our futures.
But get this, we have a God who promises that He is taking us from "glory to glory". Meaning it just gets better. and bigger. If we let Him take us there:)
"and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another." 2 corinthians 3:18.
I'm learning that there is always more. there is always new places to see, new people to meet, new food to try, new adventures to embark on. There is always more of this crazy beautiful God we serve to discover. and who am I that I get to spend the rest of my life having my eyes opened to who He is and being romanced by the most amazing God? it's insane. and sometimes overwhelming. this life He has given us. and the gifts He pours out. He's so, so good. Keep dreaming friends:)
It's been trying being away for so long from my family and dear friends. You don't realize how long six month is until you are in the midst of it. Time is flying, that's for sure, but my heart beats a little bit faster when I think about reuniting with my family and friends. When I see you all and get to look at your faces and hug you and tell you about this beautiful journey face to face. When I get to tell you with my own mouth and eyes how Jesus has radically altered my life.
I am learning how to chose joy. how to wake up and despite circumstances or feelings, to chose joy. that joy really is my strength.
"we have the most joyful being living inside of us."
if that doesn't stop and blow your mind, i don't know what will.
There has been so much joy in the past two months. so much challenge. refining. tears. so much laughter. more than anything else, so much love. love has been absolutely redefined. in and out and up and down.
love has never been more real.
more alive.
Love you all so much:) Just 5 more weeks.
I'm privileged to be standing on this soil for four more weeks. I'm honored to release the name of Jesus over hearts that have never heard. I'm humbled that He has chosen me for such a time as this, to be here, during this season. I'm wondering the changes that God has done in my heart. The things He has shifted, retied, opened up, dug up and then thrown out, refined, and planted in my heart. I'm excited to process all of this. I'm anxious to see my awaken family in kona and hear stories from all over the globe. I'm curious about the ways they have changed the nations they are in. The world is not the same as it was two months ago. The Father has welcomed home more sons and daughters.
Eternities were changed.
A family got bigger.
So, yes, I have a lot of emotions. All over the board. But my heart is full right now and ready to run hard for one more month after Him.
A lot has happened over the past month. But I just want to share one story that has altered my life a lot. It's been about 2 years since I felt like God has given me a heart for sex trafficking. I haven't known what to do with it, I've prayed for this industry and for these men and women trapped in this bondage. I've watched documentaries. Read stories. I've had it spoken over my life again and again during DTS from person after person. God's given me crazy dreams and vision for the future about sex trafficking and what I feel like He wants me to do. All beautiful things. exciting things. I've never felt more ready to run after something than I am with this. God has given me His heart for this like nothing else ever before. This is one huge mountain to move. and I'm stoked, because God is going to do it.
But two nights ago, I was in the midst of it. We entered into a part of the city that turns into a crazy world of sex trafficking, drugs, and alcohol as the sun falls. We spent most of the day worshipping and in prayer just asking for Gods heart and strength and protection as we go in. Me, another girl, and two guys on my team went into a dance bar soon after we got there.
Loud music. crowds everywhere. lights flashing. smoke filling the room. the wrench of alcohol. screaming. you can feel the weight of darkness. i'm scared. overwhelmed. ready to crack and run out the door.
and then i see. i see the girls that are 'dancers' here. they are beautiful women. i look into their eyes and there is nothing. no hope. no life. it's almost like they are dead. they have lost every bit of self worth and dignity in them. they dance with no emotion. its like they are puppets. it took everything in me not to run into the back room and grab these women and sprint out of the building with them. i didn't know how to just look normal while i was sitting there. we ordered cokes and just started to pray that God would open doors to conversations. i looked at the booth next to ours and watched as men tried to grab girls sitting next to them and whisper in their ears and the girls resist with everything in them and you can just see how much they hate what they do. you can tell they are trapped. its the most heart breaking scene thats been played in front of my eyes. I was asking God to show me what to do, to show me how to love these people. Soon after, one girl came up to me and just asked my name and told me how pretty I was and wanted to know where I was from. This happened 3 different times with different girls and I just got to try and love them for a few minutes. Each one told me they hated working there. You could see their desperation for love. I just pray that they could tell something was different in us. They didn't speak English too well, and so i asked one girl if I could talk to a girl who spoke English. She went into the back room and a guy came out holding a girls neck. He walked her to our booth and sat her down. With hesitation and resistance, she sat, with her head hung low and eyes fearful.
Her name is "Baby". She is 18. She is in the city alone. She hates working there but she is uneducated and doesn't know what else to do. She told me how much she missed her family. The second she realized that all I wanted to do was hear her story, she was beaming with joy. She couldn't stop smiling. It was like she had a little bit of life restored. I got to tell her how much Jesus loved her and we exchanged phone numbers. We have texted since then and I am meeting with her today. I have become her only friend here. I'm beyond excited to see where this goes and how God is going to move. Please pray that God would breakthrough this relationship and move in her heart. That she'd be free from this bondage and set free.
We feel really called to do this nightly, pretty much until Thanksgiving. Were stoked to invest in this so much over the next few weeks. So prayers for this would be so appreciated!
We are learning that ministry is loving the person in front of you. That everyday God has crazy divine appointments set up for you to love the person right in front of you. Learning to stop for the one. We can have plans and agendas, and those are great, but He sometimes has different ones, set up at different times:)
As I celebrated my 23rd birthday here in Nepal, I am overjoyed and beyond thankful for the 8 people I get to be here with.
My team spent a chunk of time in the morning just affirming me and encouraging me. The girls took me to make homemade banana bread at a dear friends house for the morning, including a hot shower (best birthday gift ever), when I got home the guys on my team had decorated our house with balloons and streamers, bought me yellow flowers, made me lunch, and even had gotten a present. We hung out for a bit and got in two taxis that soon dropped us off at the movie theatre..we saw Lion King in 3D. It was awesome. The day was beautiful. I will call these people family forever. They have dug such a special, deep place in my heart I don't think I knew people could get to. These eight are going to change this world. Just watch.
"when your memories are greater than your dreams, you're already beginning to die" This quote has been on my heart for a while now. I am someone who so easily can dwell on the past, or think a certain time of my life was 'the best' and have this crazy fear that nothing will compare. It's like when people tell you that 'college is the best four years of your life'- well that's great, but then what do we have to look forward to? It's almost depressing hearing that. Like we might as well not expect great things for our futures.
But get this, we have a God who promises that He is taking us from "glory to glory". Meaning it just gets better. and bigger. If we let Him take us there:)
"and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another." 2 corinthians 3:18.
I'm learning that there is always more. there is always new places to see, new people to meet, new food to try, new adventures to embark on. There is always more of this crazy beautiful God we serve to discover. and who am I that I get to spend the rest of my life having my eyes opened to who He is and being romanced by the most amazing God? it's insane. and sometimes overwhelming. this life He has given us. and the gifts He pours out. He's so, so good. Keep dreaming friends:)
It's been trying being away for so long from my family and dear friends. You don't realize how long six month is until you are in the midst of it. Time is flying, that's for sure, but my heart beats a little bit faster when I think about reuniting with my family and friends. When I see you all and get to look at your faces and hug you and tell you about this beautiful journey face to face. When I get to tell you with my own mouth and eyes how Jesus has radically altered my life.
I am learning how to chose joy. how to wake up and despite circumstances or feelings, to chose joy. that joy really is my strength.
"we have the most joyful being living inside of us."
if that doesn't stop and blow your mind, i don't know what will.
There has been so much joy in the past two months. so much challenge. refining. tears. so much laughter. more than anything else, so much love. love has been absolutely redefined. in and out and up and down.
love has never been more real.
more alive.
Love you all so much:) Just 5 more weeks.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Just returned from an 8 day trek!!
I am sitting in a café trying to process what happened the past eight days and what I saw and experienced.
When we were back in Kona at one of our team meetings, God spoke the word “Puma” to me. I looked it up to see if it had anything to do with Nepal, and sure enough, it was a small village in the mountains. I told Joel I got this word and he started to pray into it. Well, this was going to be the first stop of our trek it turns out. We spent the weekend running around gathering our gear, packing bags, buying granola bars and peanut butter and travel towels and sleeping bags. Here we were, about to spend 8 days going to the unreached. To people who have never heard the name of Jesus. This was something I heard in lecture phase, in college, people you talk about and ache for, but I was about to meet villages of beautiful people who have never even heard his name. I had no idea what was ahead☺
We started out around 5 am on Monday morning and took a 6 hour, bumpy and hot bus ride to a little city at the bottom of the mountain. We were headed to puma, which looked like a tiny spec at the top of an impossibly huge mountain we were about to climb. Yikes. We hiked for about 5 hours pretty much straight up the mountain, climbing rocks and sweating more than I ever have. To say it was physically challenging is an understatement. There was 25 of us total on this trek, and we needed each other every step of the way to encourage and support and lean on to make it to the top. As we all literally crawled for the last few steps, we made it to this beautiful village nestled in the green mountains covered with rice fields. It looked like a scene from a movie. We were exhausted, but so thrilled to be standing in a place that God told us to go! We were welcomed with open arms, met some of the people that live in Puma, ate some dinner and threw our sleeping bags on the ground for a night of sleep much needed. We woke up the next morning ready to see the village and love on the people. We worshipped for a few hours in the morning and just spent time in His presence, asking God what He wants for the day. Then we split up into 4 teams to go to houses and talk to people, help them with whatever they might need, love and pray for them and to tell them about the Jesus film we were showing that night! My group ended up at the first house we went to for the whole afternoon. As we sat on a bench, person after person after person came over and asked to be prayed for. We left that bench in full amazement of what God just did. He healed so many and filled them with peace and joy. To see the look on their faces when they felt no more pain, when they said fear in their hearts was gone and they felt light and peace was so beautiful! God was moving. We set up the movie, praying that God would bring people to it, and over 150 people came to see the film!!! Seeing a village sitting there, seeing the story of who God is, and how he was opening their hearts was insane. After the film one of our amazing translators preached and then asked if anyone wanted to accept Christ, or if anyone wanted prayer for anything. An entire family accepted Jesus that night and many people were healed! We lost count of how many healings we saw. I’ve never seen anything like it. My eyes were majorly opened! I was realizing more and more how powerful our God is. He is so faithful to our hearts. We left Puma so filled and so expectant for the next village!
We set out on foot for the next village (Dadhuwa) and was told that at most the trek would be 8 hours. Longer than the first, but we could do it. This quickly turned into one of the most exhausting and challenging days of my life. We started completely downhill for the first few hours trying to keep my eyes on the ground and step on stone after stone and not fall down a cliff, my eyes become blurry and my toes started to blister. After 8 hours we reached the ‘midpoint’ which was between the two moutains we were traveling to and from- we stopped at this bridge to eat whatever we had and as the sun was starting to set, we were told we needed to hurry and get moving. That we were nowhere close to being there. We started to walk through what seemed like thousands of miles of rice fields, over rivers, and straight up more stairs of stone that I ever want to think about-in the dark. At one point I literally looked at another girl on my team and told her I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I was in the middle of the biggest mountain I had ever seen, climbing straight up with legs that were completely numb, ready to fall asleep at any point, and the end was nowhere in sight. I realized that most of this past week- every step, every breath, every trek was all Jesus. Literally by the grace of God, we made it and pressed on after 13 hours of trekking that day. I have never been happier seeing the village. The next day we went to homes and told them about the film we were showing that night. It was ridiculous seeing the way that the kingdom attracts people. Everywhere we went, people followed. They had no idea who we were and even if we were eating a meal- there were people around us and wanting to talk to us and have us pray for them.
As exhaustion grew, my emotions became sensitive and I felt so drained. All day I remember thinking that I’ve never been this stretched before physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have honestly never reached that point of complete exhaustion before. I told God that morning that everything that came from that day, every breath, every move, every smile, laughter, conversation, was all Him- because I felt like nothing. I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know how much more I could do. And that day God taught me that His power is made perfect in my weakness. That literally when I am nothing, he is everything. He’s my strength and my joy. He’s my every move. And that day he carried me, completely. I felt so weak. That night family after family gathered under a huge tree as we started the film. I couldn’t believe how many people were before my eyes. We prayed throughout the movie for what was going to happen after and after the gospel was shared we offered prayer and the option for salvation again. There were over 300 people there! As the crowd started to come forward our team split up and started to burst into prayer. I remember standing there, with nothing in me, barely awake, saying whatever I could, and then asking them how they felt- healed. Bam. God did he. He was moving. And what was my job? To pray. He does the rest. We saw back, leg, and arm pain disappear, dizziness go away, tooth pain leave, and personally feeling a tumor go away. It was nuts. Many gave their lives to Jesus and a load of Bibles were distributed. We were seeing Jesus encounter so many hearts, it was beautiful. Here we were, 9 completely burnt out young people, simply laying hands and praying for these precious people- and God was meeting them. He just loves us so much. While healing was beautiful and increased my faith so much, salvation was the most incredible miracle of all these villages. Knowing that eternities were changed. That I had new brothers and sisters. That the Father drew home sons and daughters. Now this is what we came here for.
With a whole new level of faith, and a few days left, we left for the third village. The trek took us about 6 hours. With my body almost literally shutting down, we walked straight down again making it to a river. This would be my first and only ‘shower’ of the trek. I layed on a rock and the girls washed my hair in the river. I’ve never felt cleaner☺ Let’s just say these eight days I have never smelled worse, had greasier hair, or felt dirtier. We were an enjoyable bunch to be around! Ha! We made it to the village once again exhausted and we stayed in a two story home- infested with the biggest spiders I have EVER seen. I opened the door to our room and absolutely freaked out. There was no way I was sleeping there. As we ate dinner we had about 30 people starring at us, standing an inch away from us, talking about us, it was crazy. We had gotten there early enough to show the film both nights, and about 100 people came the first night! I could feel how different this place was from the first two, heavy and dark. It was real spiritual warfare here. There was such a spirit of confusion here. The first two villages were hungry and open- this was not. Only a few asked for prayer and the reality of the darkness became so real to me. I slept outside on the porch that night and woke up the next morning ready to love these people the best I could. We talked a lot that day about the absolute honor and privilege it was to be sharing the gospel with the unreached. The challenging moments of this trek, the moments of exhaustion and breakdown was absolutely worth it. We went into the village and told people about the film that night and prayed for some people. Before the film that night I got to talk to the group that was there and told them who Jesus was in my life and tell them how much He loved them. Speaking and using my voice has been spoken over my life over the past two years and it’s been something I easily ignore- but I am letting God break me of the fear and it was incredible being able to share my heart and let God talk through me! That night about 6 people gave their lives to Christ and we saw more healings break through. One girl started mocking us like crazy when we started praying and laughing at us- we started to pray for her and her heart began to change immediately. She ended up accepting Jesus that night, haha He is SO GOOD! We left one of the darkest places I’ve ever been with fulfillment knowing Jesus has marked that land- and it will never be the same. The hills of these mountains are about to change dramatically. It’s going to be awesome.
Oh I forgot- earlier that day I sunk in water buffalo manure☺ thought you would all enjoy that. I literally sunk about a foot deep in poop. It was dark and I had no idea where my leader Cody went, left or right, and I went right, and quickly realized I was standing to the left of a water buffalo, and to the right of the biggest pile of poop ive ever seen. Bless the heart of one of the men in our group who dug through it for my flip flops, washed my jeans and my feet, and took great care of me. Needless to say, I died of laughter. Just a cherry on top of this insane week ☺
We are now back in Katmandu after a 2 hour trek the last day and a 9 hour bus ride! Arriving home to our house was the best feeling. We all got warm showers (we have to shower at the right time of night to grab hot water for like an hour!) and climbed in our beds so at peace being back.
I wouldn’t trade this week for anything! I grew more than I ever thought possible. Was so stretched, so challenged, it was one of the hardest weeks of my life, but God did so much. God brought our family SO much closer also. We grew so much together!!! I am so excited to see what else God has for the next two months. However, I miss home and family and friends like crazy. Know that you are all so so so deeply missed and thought of often!!!!!! Thank you for all your prayers for Nepal and continue to pray for unity on the team and that God would keep taking hearts of this nation! Love you all!
When we were back in Kona at one of our team meetings, God spoke the word “Puma” to me. I looked it up to see if it had anything to do with Nepal, and sure enough, it was a small village in the mountains. I told Joel I got this word and he started to pray into it. Well, this was going to be the first stop of our trek it turns out. We spent the weekend running around gathering our gear, packing bags, buying granola bars and peanut butter and travel towels and sleeping bags. Here we were, about to spend 8 days going to the unreached. To people who have never heard the name of Jesus. This was something I heard in lecture phase, in college, people you talk about and ache for, but I was about to meet villages of beautiful people who have never even heard his name. I had no idea what was ahead☺
We started out around 5 am on Monday morning and took a 6 hour, bumpy and hot bus ride to a little city at the bottom of the mountain. We were headed to puma, which looked like a tiny spec at the top of an impossibly huge mountain we were about to climb. Yikes. We hiked for about 5 hours pretty much straight up the mountain, climbing rocks and sweating more than I ever have. To say it was physically challenging is an understatement. There was 25 of us total on this trek, and we needed each other every step of the way to encourage and support and lean on to make it to the top. As we all literally crawled for the last few steps, we made it to this beautiful village nestled in the green mountains covered with rice fields. It looked like a scene from a movie. We were exhausted, but so thrilled to be standing in a place that God told us to go! We were welcomed with open arms, met some of the people that live in Puma, ate some dinner and threw our sleeping bags on the ground for a night of sleep much needed. We woke up the next morning ready to see the village and love on the people. We worshipped for a few hours in the morning and just spent time in His presence, asking God what He wants for the day. Then we split up into 4 teams to go to houses and talk to people, help them with whatever they might need, love and pray for them and to tell them about the Jesus film we were showing that night! My group ended up at the first house we went to for the whole afternoon. As we sat on a bench, person after person after person came over and asked to be prayed for. We left that bench in full amazement of what God just did. He healed so many and filled them with peace and joy. To see the look on their faces when they felt no more pain, when they said fear in their hearts was gone and they felt light and peace was so beautiful! God was moving. We set up the movie, praying that God would bring people to it, and over 150 people came to see the film!!! Seeing a village sitting there, seeing the story of who God is, and how he was opening their hearts was insane. After the film one of our amazing translators preached and then asked if anyone wanted to accept Christ, or if anyone wanted prayer for anything. An entire family accepted Jesus that night and many people were healed! We lost count of how many healings we saw. I’ve never seen anything like it. My eyes were majorly opened! I was realizing more and more how powerful our God is. He is so faithful to our hearts. We left Puma so filled and so expectant for the next village!
We set out on foot for the next village (Dadhuwa) and was told that at most the trek would be 8 hours. Longer than the first, but we could do it. This quickly turned into one of the most exhausting and challenging days of my life. We started completely downhill for the first few hours trying to keep my eyes on the ground and step on stone after stone and not fall down a cliff, my eyes become blurry and my toes started to blister. After 8 hours we reached the ‘midpoint’ which was between the two moutains we were traveling to and from- we stopped at this bridge to eat whatever we had and as the sun was starting to set, we were told we needed to hurry and get moving. That we were nowhere close to being there. We started to walk through what seemed like thousands of miles of rice fields, over rivers, and straight up more stairs of stone that I ever want to think about-in the dark. At one point I literally looked at another girl on my team and told her I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I was in the middle of the biggest mountain I had ever seen, climbing straight up with legs that were completely numb, ready to fall asleep at any point, and the end was nowhere in sight. I realized that most of this past week- every step, every breath, every trek was all Jesus. Literally by the grace of God, we made it and pressed on after 13 hours of trekking that day. I have never been happier seeing the village. The next day we went to homes and told them about the film we were showing that night. It was ridiculous seeing the way that the kingdom attracts people. Everywhere we went, people followed. They had no idea who we were and even if we were eating a meal- there were people around us and wanting to talk to us and have us pray for them.
As exhaustion grew, my emotions became sensitive and I felt so drained. All day I remember thinking that I’ve never been this stretched before physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have honestly never reached that point of complete exhaustion before. I told God that morning that everything that came from that day, every breath, every move, every smile, laughter, conversation, was all Him- because I felt like nothing. I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know how much more I could do. And that day God taught me that His power is made perfect in my weakness. That literally when I am nothing, he is everything. He’s my strength and my joy. He’s my every move. And that day he carried me, completely. I felt so weak. That night family after family gathered under a huge tree as we started the film. I couldn’t believe how many people were before my eyes. We prayed throughout the movie for what was going to happen after and after the gospel was shared we offered prayer and the option for salvation again. There were over 300 people there! As the crowd started to come forward our team split up and started to burst into prayer. I remember standing there, with nothing in me, barely awake, saying whatever I could, and then asking them how they felt- healed. Bam. God did he. He was moving. And what was my job? To pray. He does the rest. We saw back, leg, and arm pain disappear, dizziness go away, tooth pain leave, and personally feeling a tumor go away. It was nuts. Many gave their lives to Jesus and a load of Bibles were distributed. We were seeing Jesus encounter so many hearts, it was beautiful. Here we were, 9 completely burnt out young people, simply laying hands and praying for these precious people- and God was meeting them. He just loves us so much. While healing was beautiful and increased my faith so much, salvation was the most incredible miracle of all these villages. Knowing that eternities were changed. That I had new brothers and sisters. That the Father drew home sons and daughters. Now this is what we came here for.
With a whole new level of faith, and a few days left, we left for the third village. The trek took us about 6 hours. With my body almost literally shutting down, we walked straight down again making it to a river. This would be my first and only ‘shower’ of the trek. I layed on a rock and the girls washed my hair in the river. I’ve never felt cleaner☺ Let’s just say these eight days I have never smelled worse, had greasier hair, or felt dirtier. We were an enjoyable bunch to be around! Ha! We made it to the village once again exhausted and we stayed in a two story home- infested with the biggest spiders I have EVER seen. I opened the door to our room and absolutely freaked out. There was no way I was sleeping there. As we ate dinner we had about 30 people starring at us, standing an inch away from us, talking about us, it was crazy. We had gotten there early enough to show the film both nights, and about 100 people came the first night! I could feel how different this place was from the first two, heavy and dark. It was real spiritual warfare here. There was such a spirit of confusion here. The first two villages were hungry and open- this was not. Only a few asked for prayer and the reality of the darkness became so real to me. I slept outside on the porch that night and woke up the next morning ready to love these people the best I could. We talked a lot that day about the absolute honor and privilege it was to be sharing the gospel with the unreached. The challenging moments of this trek, the moments of exhaustion and breakdown was absolutely worth it. We went into the village and told people about the film that night and prayed for some people. Before the film that night I got to talk to the group that was there and told them who Jesus was in my life and tell them how much He loved them. Speaking and using my voice has been spoken over my life over the past two years and it’s been something I easily ignore- but I am letting God break me of the fear and it was incredible being able to share my heart and let God talk through me! That night about 6 people gave their lives to Christ and we saw more healings break through. One girl started mocking us like crazy when we started praying and laughing at us- we started to pray for her and her heart began to change immediately. She ended up accepting Jesus that night, haha He is SO GOOD! We left one of the darkest places I’ve ever been with fulfillment knowing Jesus has marked that land- and it will never be the same. The hills of these mountains are about to change dramatically. It’s going to be awesome.
Oh I forgot- earlier that day I sunk in water buffalo manure☺ thought you would all enjoy that. I literally sunk about a foot deep in poop. It was dark and I had no idea where my leader Cody went, left or right, and I went right, and quickly realized I was standing to the left of a water buffalo, and to the right of the biggest pile of poop ive ever seen. Bless the heart of one of the men in our group who dug through it for my flip flops, washed my jeans and my feet, and took great care of me. Needless to say, I died of laughter. Just a cherry on top of this insane week ☺
We are now back in Katmandu after a 2 hour trek the last day and a 9 hour bus ride! Arriving home to our house was the best feeling. We all got warm showers (we have to shower at the right time of night to grab hot water for like an hour!) and climbed in our beds so at peace being back.
I wouldn’t trade this week for anything! I grew more than I ever thought possible. Was so stretched, so challenged, it was one of the hardest weeks of my life, but God did so much. God brought our family SO much closer also. We grew so much together!!! I am so excited to see what else God has for the next two months. However, I miss home and family and friends like crazy. Know that you are all so so so deeply missed and thought of often!!!!!! Thank you for all your prayers for Nepal and continue to pray for unity on the team and that God would keep taking hearts of this nation! Love you all!
A Beautiful Beginning
The first two weeks we spent around Katmandu and praying A LOT into what the next three months will look like. The first week, we went to a Buddhist temple that was on the top of a huge hill, overlooking the entire city, and we got to pray for a little girl who was blind, who could see better after! As we walked up a million stairs to the top of this temple my eyes were just opened so much to the spiritual warfare here. It’s crazy learning about the Hindu and Buddhist religion. Its so hard for me walking around that place, seeing all these man made gods that they worship and gold jewelry and statues everywhere. They sacrifice anything and everything, multiple times a day, because they think that this is how they will be forgiven and seen as ‘ok’ in this life. Just makes my heart want to scream and tell them all that there is one God, living, who paid every price for their sin and wants relationship with them. We got to the top and my heart got heavy and my head started to hurt as all you can see is gold and crazy symbols and statues everywhere. We stood at the top of this mountain and started to worship Jesus and it started pouring rain. As I just looked out into the city God started to speak to me about how much He is going to do in these three months. We all left feeling so ready for what God is going to do, so excited, ready to run after Him.
We live in a little flat close to the children’s home. It’s been such a blessing having our own space for our family of nine to come home to at night. We are growing each and everyday with what it means to be a family, to love each other well, to run after Jesus together, and I am learning so much through that. We have three bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room. We spend most nights curled up in the living room reading Narnia together, telling stories, worshipping, and drinking hot chocolate. I’ve been getting up early in the morning to have alone time with God and just talk to him, worship, journal, and be still. It’s been in these moments that God has softly spoken and met me deeply. I am growing in what it means to be intimate with God. The reality of intimacy is becoming a lifestyle for me, in ways it never has before. Time alone with God is something I hunger for more than I ever have. Understanding that my entire life is an overflow of intimacy with him, intimacy has become what I want. My life is a response to how much I love Him. And everything I do in life, every ministry or job or mission field that I am on, every relationship I have, every person on the street I try to love well, every good deed I do, it’s all out of a place of intimacy with Jesus. It has become my obsession.
The second week started a huge Hindu festival here in Nepal where most shops close for the week to allow people to travel home to villages and to spend the week with family, giving sacrifice after sacrifice to the millions of gods they believe in. We decided on Wednesday to travel to a temple where thousands of Nepali’s come to sacrifice anything from flowers to goats and chickens and money. We arrived and it looked like a huge party with colors everywhere, food was being sold along the road, and we started walking with thousands of people pushing and shoving towards the temple. I had no idea what was about to happen. As we arrived closer we realized we were walking past a line of thousands of people who are waiting to get to the temple to sacrifice everything in their arms. The need for this nation become real in a whole new way this day. It become an ache in my heart, for them to know the truth. To be set free. To walk with Jesus. To experience freedom and rest in Christ. To know a real, personal God. To understand the love of a Father who is chasing His children.
It’s real.
And He’s after these people.
And I want to fight for them to see it. And feel it. To get them out of this tradition that they are stuck in and often don’t even know why they believe what they do.
I stood there and watched as thousands of people killed things and blood spilled everywhere, the smell that lingered in this place was horrendous. They sacrifice and kill and then they get marked with red paint on their foreheads, believing this will pay for their sins. I started weeping as I walked through this dark place, and somehow Jesus started reminding me what we carry- that we carry LIGHT and that nothing can overcome Him. That he is the light of the world. That he has already overcome ALL of this that I was standing in the midst of. And my heart started to just look at him, praise him, and pray for these people. I felt light. I had hope. We got to tell people about the God we believe in, the one that talks to us and answers prayer and wants relationship and loves us intimately. We walked up the steps and saw about 15 lepers sitting- most asking for money and food- and we began to pray for them. As we began to pray, a few started to ask more questions and then we saw a woman we had handed a Bible to earlier come ask us for another one because she gave one to her friend. As this happened, the lepers started asking for Bibles, haha it was incredible. They started reading them out loud to each other and they started pointing to things in the word. A witch doctor that was sitting there with a satan pitchfork next to him asked us for a Bible! It was a beautiful thing seeing how hard the enemy has to try to keep these people in bondage, and how God barely lifts a finger to move in their hearts. He does it all. We are just vessels being sent. As we step out in faith, in obedience, He moves. He touches and changes hearts, I don’t. But he’s asking me to walk in faith. And believe that he will.
We ended the week going to a leper colony. We got to pray for many and saw some partial healings. We got to encourage the head of the leper colony who was a Christian and just pray for him and his work. As we were leaving, we got to pray for a man who couldn’t walk. He was sitting in a chair and allowed us to pray.
Five minutes later, HE WAS WALKING, and crying as he was encountering the love of God☺ He really does make the lame walk! That night we went to Joel and Tammi’s house for dinner and fellowship. We get to hear testimony every week about what God is doing in Nepal, and the harvest is seriously ready here! He is moving in crazy ways! Continue to pray for revival and that these people would see the one and only living God, that every other idol would fall and the veil would be torn from their eyes to see who Jesus is☺ He is after their hearts!!!!
We live in a little flat close to the children’s home. It’s been such a blessing having our own space for our family of nine to come home to at night. We are growing each and everyday with what it means to be a family, to love each other well, to run after Jesus together, and I am learning so much through that. We have three bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room. We spend most nights curled up in the living room reading Narnia together, telling stories, worshipping, and drinking hot chocolate. I’ve been getting up early in the morning to have alone time with God and just talk to him, worship, journal, and be still. It’s been in these moments that God has softly spoken and met me deeply. I am growing in what it means to be intimate with God. The reality of intimacy is becoming a lifestyle for me, in ways it never has before. Time alone with God is something I hunger for more than I ever have. Understanding that my entire life is an overflow of intimacy with him, intimacy has become what I want. My life is a response to how much I love Him. And everything I do in life, every ministry or job or mission field that I am on, every relationship I have, every person on the street I try to love well, every good deed I do, it’s all out of a place of intimacy with Jesus. It has become my obsession.
The second week started a huge Hindu festival here in Nepal where most shops close for the week to allow people to travel home to villages and to spend the week with family, giving sacrifice after sacrifice to the millions of gods they believe in. We decided on Wednesday to travel to a temple where thousands of Nepali’s come to sacrifice anything from flowers to goats and chickens and money. We arrived and it looked like a huge party with colors everywhere, food was being sold along the road, and we started walking with thousands of people pushing and shoving towards the temple. I had no idea what was about to happen. As we arrived closer we realized we were walking past a line of thousands of people who are waiting to get to the temple to sacrifice everything in their arms. The need for this nation become real in a whole new way this day. It become an ache in my heart, for them to know the truth. To be set free. To walk with Jesus. To experience freedom and rest in Christ. To know a real, personal God. To understand the love of a Father who is chasing His children.
It’s real.
And He’s after these people.
And I want to fight for them to see it. And feel it. To get them out of this tradition that they are stuck in and often don’t even know why they believe what they do.
I stood there and watched as thousands of people killed things and blood spilled everywhere, the smell that lingered in this place was horrendous. They sacrifice and kill and then they get marked with red paint on their foreheads, believing this will pay for their sins. I started weeping as I walked through this dark place, and somehow Jesus started reminding me what we carry- that we carry LIGHT and that nothing can overcome Him. That he is the light of the world. That he has already overcome ALL of this that I was standing in the midst of. And my heart started to just look at him, praise him, and pray for these people. I felt light. I had hope. We got to tell people about the God we believe in, the one that talks to us and answers prayer and wants relationship and loves us intimately. We walked up the steps and saw about 15 lepers sitting- most asking for money and food- and we began to pray for them. As we began to pray, a few started to ask more questions and then we saw a woman we had handed a Bible to earlier come ask us for another one because she gave one to her friend. As this happened, the lepers started asking for Bibles, haha it was incredible. They started reading them out loud to each other and they started pointing to things in the word. A witch doctor that was sitting there with a satan pitchfork next to him asked us for a Bible! It was a beautiful thing seeing how hard the enemy has to try to keep these people in bondage, and how God barely lifts a finger to move in their hearts. He does it all. We are just vessels being sent. As we step out in faith, in obedience, He moves. He touches and changes hearts, I don’t. But he’s asking me to walk in faith. And believe that he will.
We ended the week going to a leper colony. We got to pray for many and saw some partial healings. We got to encourage the head of the leper colony who was a Christian and just pray for him and his work. As we were leaving, we got to pray for a man who couldn’t walk. He was sitting in a chair and allowed us to pray.
Five minutes later, HE WAS WALKING, and crying as he was encountering the love of God☺ He really does make the lame walk! That night we went to Joel and Tammi’s house for dinner and fellowship. We get to hear testimony every week about what God is doing in Nepal, and the harvest is seriously ready here! He is moving in crazy ways! Continue to pray for revival and that these people would see the one and only living God, that every other idol would fall and the veil would be torn from their eyes to see who Jesus is☺ He is after their hearts!!!!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
lets do it down here like they do it up there.
Hello dear friends and family from Kona☺
I have about three weeks left until I leave for Nepal. CRAZY. Our departure date is September 22nd. Finances were due this week and details are getting sorted more and more as things come together. We are spending more and more time as a team together and praying into what we will be doing for our time there. We’ve gotten to talk to a team who just returned from Nepal and continually we are hearing that the harvest is ready, the people are hungry, and God is about to show us His power like we have never seen before. They saw the miraculous. The supernatural. They saw healing and salvation in entire villages and they are finding that the Lord is just asking for workers, He does the rest. More than anything they are seeing the power of the gospel. The power of family and what it looks like to walk in love together and have people notice that something is different about you. He uses us in our weakness, in our sickness, weariness, He does it all, we will just be the vessels. I’m beyond excited for this next step. God has been preparing us. Thank you for all your continual prayers in this.
My team had a crazy faith journey day where the staff told us we were going into the island and we were supposed to do what the Lord said and go where He said, with no money, and to be back for class the next morning. You can read about it here:
http://sarahborger93.blogspot.com/2011/08/faith-journey.html
Family is what this past week was all about. Our speaker, Adam Cox, from the Boiler Room, in Kansas City, blew my mind once again with what he brought. He talked for the entire week on the story of the Bible, the story of a family, of a Father who longs for his sons and daughters. I am learning how many times in my life I have been told that I am ‘a daughter of God, a daughter of the most High King’ but how many times I so easily skip over that topic and move onto the next without fully letting that change my heart. Do I know what it means to actually be a daughter? I’m realizing as I understand this, it will unlock my identity. This is what actually separates Christianity from the other religions of the world- a Father who is after relationship-but not simply a relationship, a literal family. Our God is yearning for a family.
Before time and creation even existed, there was a perfect triune family.
And for some reason on day 6, God had his craziest idea yet and says, “we are going to make man”. This perfect triune family is going to create something in their image because their desire is to share the goodness of this eternal family. He gets down on His knees and starts to create. Think about this- the God of the universe actually gets down on His knees and in the dirt he takes what He has spoken and begins to form you and me. He began to create what scientists still cannot figure out. And out of pure joy He began to create, began to order the chaos, all from His very being.
You are the pinnacle of His creation, formed from the dirt and dust- you are absolutely radiating the glory of Jesus all over you. You were made out of love, for love.
Heaven and earth were never supposed to be separate. he made a place for Adam to delight in, Eden, a garden of shalom where everything is as it should be. This part is awesome, the first “NOT GOOD” in eternity is here, when God cuts across and says, ‘something is not good, it’s not good for you to be alone’. This father of ours is from a perfect family, he is family, and his heart is for Adam to have that also. Adam and Eve represented this family He longs for. It was his pleasure to create you. His will was you and me, family.
Ephesians 1:4-5 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”
The kingdom is walking around the earth on two legs.
He lived the life we could not live, died the death we should have died, defeated satan, regained our forfeited authority and gave us His favored place before the Father. He came to make us fully human-sin was never meant to be a part of the story. He created what He wanted to be. Everything Jesus walked in is now being done by people just like us. He says we will do what he did, and greater things. Greater things. Do we fully believe that?
The hope the world has to see God is if it’s set on display in our lives and relationships. Can we actually be a generation that doesn’t separate love and power? He dreamed and He promised to give you a gift (Acts 1), the Holy Spirit, to put His very father spirit inside of you and me, in our frail and weak human bodies. The most joyful and powerful and loving person actually dwells inside of us. You hold POWER and LOVE inside of you friends, it’s waiting to burst. Eternity is written on our hearts.
My life is a reflection of glory. It’s all for Him.
We are sons and daughters of a dad, and from understanding that- we can do missions and ministry and bring justice. From understanding belovedness. From this place of identity as a son and a daughter, all our ministry/missions can come. When you look at a person, and you know that they are another child that God’s after to bring into His family, you look at them differently. Your heart beats a little bit faster. You actually enter into His heart and His longing for them to come home. And you can fight for them, all out of love and intimacy with Jesus.
We have to know who He is so we know who we are. Our generation is waiting for a story. This is it. There is one plot. The kingdom family.
God is dreaming of family. He has always been after family. He had no need for it, but wanted it and desires it all out of pleasure.
Every heart is waiting to be awakened. Will we let Him reveal our identity to us and run after these children the Father longs to bring into His family?
My life is being changed. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have words to describe what’s been changing in my heart, but plain and simple- Jesus is capturing every part of my life. I am learning about this family, and also living it out with the most amazing people. I am learning how to be a community. A real, raw, genuine family doing life together. A group after Jesus Christ. Having a blast together.
That’s just a bit of updates on last week teaching☺ I miss you all and love you so so much!!!!!!
I have about three weeks left until I leave for Nepal. CRAZY. Our departure date is September 22nd. Finances were due this week and details are getting sorted more and more as things come together. We are spending more and more time as a team together and praying into what we will be doing for our time there. We’ve gotten to talk to a team who just returned from Nepal and continually we are hearing that the harvest is ready, the people are hungry, and God is about to show us His power like we have never seen before. They saw the miraculous. The supernatural. They saw healing and salvation in entire villages and they are finding that the Lord is just asking for workers, He does the rest. More than anything they are seeing the power of the gospel. The power of family and what it looks like to walk in love together and have people notice that something is different about you. He uses us in our weakness, in our sickness, weariness, He does it all, we will just be the vessels. I’m beyond excited for this next step. God has been preparing us. Thank you for all your continual prayers in this.
My team had a crazy faith journey day where the staff told us we were going into the island and we were supposed to do what the Lord said and go where He said, with no money, and to be back for class the next morning. You can read about it here:
http://sarahborger93.blogspot.com/2011/08/faith-journey.html
Family is what this past week was all about. Our speaker, Adam Cox, from the Boiler Room, in Kansas City, blew my mind once again with what he brought. He talked for the entire week on the story of the Bible, the story of a family, of a Father who longs for his sons and daughters. I am learning how many times in my life I have been told that I am ‘a daughter of God, a daughter of the most High King’ but how many times I so easily skip over that topic and move onto the next without fully letting that change my heart. Do I know what it means to actually be a daughter? I’m realizing as I understand this, it will unlock my identity. This is what actually separates Christianity from the other religions of the world- a Father who is after relationship-but not simply a relationship, a literal family. Our God is yearning for a family.
Before time and creation even existed, there was a perfect triune family.
And for some reason on day 6, God had his craziest idea yet and says, “we are going to make man”. This perfect triune family is going to create something in their image because their desire is to share the goodness of this eternal family. He gets down on His knees and starts to create. Think about this- the God of the universe actually gets down on His knees and in the dirt he takes what He has spoken and begins to form you and me. He began to create what scientists still cannot figure out. And out of pure joy He began to create, began to order the chaos, all from His very being.
You are the pinnacle of His creation, formed from the dirt and dust- you are absolutely radiating the glory of Jesus all over you. You were made out of love, for love.
Heaven and earth were never supposed to be separate. he made a place for Adam to delight in, Eden, a garden of shalom where everything is as it should be. This part is awesome, the first “NOT GOOD” in eternity is here, when God cuts across and says, ‘something is not good, it’s not good for you to be alone’. This father of ours is from a perfect family, he is family, and his heart is for Adam to have that also. Adam and Eve represented this family He longs for. It was his pleasure to create you. His will was you and me, family.
Ephesians 1:4-5 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”
The kingdom is walking around the earth on two legs.
He lived the life we could not live, died the death we should have died, defeated satan, regained our forfeited authority and gave us His favored place before the Father. He came to make us fully human-sin was never meant to be a part of the story. He created what He wanted to be. Everything Jesus walked in is now being done by people just like us. He says we will do what he did, and greater things. Greater things. Do we fully believe that?
The hope the world has to see God is if it’s set on display in our lives and relationships. Can we actually be a generation that doesn’t separate love and power? He dreamed and He promised to give you a gift (Acts 1), the Holy Spirit, to put His very father spirit inside of you and me, in our frail and weak human bodies. The most joyful and powerful and loving person actually dwells inside of us. You hold POWER and LOVE inside of you friends, it’s waiting to burst. Eternity is written on our hearts.
My life is a reflection of glory. It’s all for Him.
We are sons and daughters of a dad, and from understanding that- we can do missions and ministry and bring justice. From understanding belovedness. From this place of identity as a son and a daughter, all our ministry/missions can come. When you look at a person, and you know that they are another child that God’s after to bring into His family, you look at them differently. Your heart beats a little bit faster. You actually enter into His heart and His longing for them to come home. And you can fight for them, all out of love and intimacy with Jesus.
We have to know who He is so we know who we are. Our generation is waiting for a story. This is it. There is one plot. The kingdom family.
God is dreaming of family. He has always been after family. He had no need for it, but wanted it and desires it all out of pleasure.
Every heart is waiting to be awakened. Will we let Him reveal our identity to us and run after these children the Father longs to bring into His family?
My life is being changed. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have words to describe what’s been changing in my heart, but plain and simple- Jesus is capturing every part of my life. I am learning about this family, and also living it out with the most amazing people. I am learning how to be a community. A real, raw, genuine family doing life together. A group after Jesus Christ. Having a blast together.
That’s just a bit of updates on last week teaching☺ I miss you all and love you so so much!!!!!!
a bit of my heart.
SOOOO some women in my DTS are going after strongholds in our lives throughout this school and regaining power and voice as women. Last week we all came with something that we have always told ourselves, ‘we can’t’ do and we did those very things. Some read poetry, some sang, read journal entries, preached, and it was a beautiful night of breaking open and defeating these things that have held us back for a long time. I wrote this a few weeks ago in the prayer room. For a while I’ve felt like writing and the power of words are something the Lord has for a part of my future, along with photography, and I’ve never really openly talked about writing or shared things with those around me. So this is what I shared with these women, it’s a bit of my heart over the past month.
I am broken, but being rebuilt daily by the most glorious and intimate Father
I have clung to lesser lovers for too long, my own plans and desires
But He’s unraveling this heart and I’m letting Him have every inch of it
I’m opening my hands that I’ve gripped so tightly and I’m saying I am yours
The devils hold on parts of my life is being thrown out. He is done winning
Because it’s already been won
It’s all been conquered
The victory isn’t a question
for so long I’ve wondered if He actually knows me and my heart and I’ve asked the question ‘why’ countless times
I’ve convinced myself that his love is dependent on striving. But he is redefining love. This word thrown around easily and carelessly. And have I actually ever understood this word to the extent it’s supposed to be? To the depth and height and width that it should reach into my heart?
He is stripping my definition and replacing it with his.
He is my biggest fan. He formed me intricately. He knew me before anyone else, knows every part of my heart more intimately and sees it in ways I can’t, cares about my every hurt and struggle. He literally catches every tear, he is in the midst of my pain- close, not far. This father of mine actually has emotion over me. And all of this simply because he wants to be close and desires to love me, not at all because he has to. He choses to.
and my hearts been cracked wide open. It’s been vulnerable. It’s been two months of letting Him in. of letting walls down. Of asking questions,pondering, begging, and depending. Of realizing that without him I literally am nothing. Who I am fully depends on Jesus inside of me. and its been the most delicate and romantic two months of seeing a Savior capture the heart of his daughter again. The whole heart.
And it’s been a daughter relearning what it means to be found in the arms of Christ
To be worthy
what it means to be dearly loved, forgiven, redeemed, and sought after by a King
to be ravished by a lover
What it meant when a carpenter from Bethlehem carried the weight of my sin on his precious, fragile body, so I could have a relationship
So I could be free
So I could be a part of the most perfect, triune, infinite kingdom family
And the veil actually was torn
So I could enter in
And be a part of His plan of redemption
So I could see his face, know him and gaze on him
So the God of the universe could actually dwell inside of my very weak human heart, instead of anywhere else
He is furiously running after my heart
He is all that will satisfy me
He is all I want
There really are no words that go deep enough, or are real enough, to describe this man
This is my beloved
This is my father
This is my friend
He has awakened his love for me, and mine for him
And I cannot help but respond to this perfect love with all that I am
And the bread and wine will be lifted high in my life, the glory will be given to him, because there is no other precious name worthy of absolutely everything that I have.
I am broken, but being rebuilt daily by the most glorious and intimate Father
I have clung to lesser lovers for too long, my own plans and desires
But He’s unraveling this heart and I’m letting Him have every inch of it
I’m opening my hands that I’ve gripped so tightly and I’m saying I am yours
The devils hold on parts of my life is being thrown out. He is done winning
Because it’s already been won
It’s all been conquered
The victory isn’t a question
for so long I’ve wondered if He actually knows me and my heart and I’ve asked the question ‘why’ countless times
I’ve convinced myself that his love is dependent on striving. But he is redefining love. This word thrown around easily and carelessly. And have I actually ever understood this word to the extent it’s supposed to be? To the depth and height and width that it should reach into my heart?
He is stripping my definition and replacing it with his.
He is my biggest fan. He formed me intricately. He knew me before anyone else, knows every part of my heart more intimately and sees it in ways I can’t, cares about my every hurt and struggle. He literally catches every tear, he is in the midst of my pain- close, not far. This father of mine actually has emotion over me. And all of this simply because he wants to be close and desires to love me, not at all because he has to. He choses to.
and my hearts been cracked wide open. It’s been vulnerable. It’s been two months of letting Him in. of letting walls down. Of asking questions,pondering, begging, and depending. Of realizing that without him I literally am nothing. Who I am fully depends on Jesus inside of me. and its been the most delicate and romantic two months of seeing a Savior capture the heart of his daughter again. The whole heart.
And it’s been a daughter relearning what it means to be found in the arms of Christ
To be worthy
what it means to be dearly loved, forgiven, redeemed, and sought after by a King
to be ravished by a lover
What it meant when a carpenter from Bethlehem carried the weight of my sin on his precious, fragile body, so I could have a relationship
So I could be free
So I could be a part of the most perfect, triune, infinite kingdom family
And the veil actually was torn
So I could enter in
And be a part of His plan of redemption
So I could see his face, know him and gaze on him
So the God of the universe could actually dwell inside of my very weak human heart, instead of anywhere else
He is furiously running after my heart
He is all that will satisfy me
He is all I want
There really are no words that go deep enough, or are real enough, to describe this man
This is my beloved
This is my father
This is my friend
He has awakened his love for me, and mine for him
And I cannot help but respond to this perfect love with all that I am
And the bread and wine will be lifted high in my life, the glory will be given to him, because there is no other precious name worthy of absolutely everything that I have.
Friday, August 5, 2011
My short novel...oops:)
First, I am sorry for not updating this very much in the past 3 weeks. My schedule here is crazy busy. But I am alive and well:) Emotionally and physically tired sometimes, but so good. The weather here is constant every day. 85 degrees, blue skies, sunny with volcano fog covering the island from about 1 to 3pm. Needless to say, I sweat pretty much all day, everyday. It’s really annoying☺ Campus is still crazy with about 400 of us running around here. There are a little over 100 in my school, and I can honestly tell you that these people feel like family to me already. I feel like I have known them forever. I’m honored and so blessed to be running with the group that I am with. Each one has a story about how they got here, how the Lord has provided for them, given them provision, and literally hand picked each one to be here.
It's been a whirlwind of the past few weeks and it is incredibly hard to describe what has been going on in my heart and what I am learning the past few weeks.
This past week on Thursday, all of our lecture fees were due. Lecture phase cost us 3,900 dollars each. The founder of ywam, Loren Cunningham was our speaker last week with his wife Darlene (yes it was phenomenal. This couple is amazing) and he asked the 7 students who needed money still to come forward. With all that these students needed by the next day, it was 16,000 dollars. Yep, that’s the right number. Loren told us to ask the Lord how much He wanted us to give these students and we were going to take an offering right there. The students went on stage, they turned on some music, and we started praying and quickly giving. Picture about 100 students, missionaries, close to broke if not already broke, going up to this stage and pouring out whatever they have for their brothers and sisters. Putting their needs before their own and trusting that God will continue to provide. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I sat in the back row just crying- looking at this beautiful bunch of people who were giving literally all they had. I kid you not, in 30 minutes 16,000 dollars was taken care of. Lecture phase was paid for.
He is provider. So many students came here with literally zero dollars. Almost everyone has been raising money since being here, and it’s normal if you come here with no money because they believe God will work. And He most certainly does. If any of you want to come to ywam (which literally every one of you should come- there is a DTS that starts in September- supposed to be incredible- just saying!) but don’t doubt for one second about finances. Not one minute. That will not be something that holds you back from anything.
It's been a huge blessing getting to know my Nepal team. Last weekend we decided to rent a truck and drive to the other side of the island to watch the sunrise on the top of Mauna Kea, a volcano. We left campus around 8pm and 9 of us piled into a truck with blankets and snacks ready for a trip across the island. I sat in the back of the truck with four others and gazed at the stars painted across the sky as we drove. I have never seen stars like this in my life, I felt like I was in the midst of the Milky Way. Starring at a pitch black sky with millions of glowing white specks painted among the darkness was a sight I will never forget. Then I started to think and remember that God has named and placed each and every one. And those are just the stars visible to me, which means there are beyond millions more that my human eyes are blind to. I started to think about how big He is. How small I am. He is bigger than my life, He is bigger than my circumstances, my hopes, dreams, my problems, my town, my school, this nation, and this world. He’s bigger than all of it. This God that I have put into a box over and over again in my Christian walk is literally pushing away every wall and breaking it down. Hard and fast.
We got to a pancake house and sat for a few hours talking and drinking coffee. We left and started the freezing cold and long drive to the top of the volcano. As we drove up the windy road, piled together, I kept thinking about all of this and how crazy it is that I got here, and am here in Kona, seeking Jesus and letting Him show me more and more of who He is and who I am.
As I sat wrapped up in blankets in the back of a red truck, at the top of this ginormous volcano, above a layer of puffy white clouds, the glowing orange sky pierced the darkness slowly and started to rise and the depth of these bright colors was incredible; some yellow, pink, and purple mixed in. How beautiful that the Lord paints this sky for us? That we get to look at a picture like this? And finally the darkness was gone, the sun had risen fully and the light was overwhelming. We sat in the back of the truck speechless, in awe at the picture we were starring at. Looking out into this infinite sky and picture that goes on and on. Just like His love. And that’s what my heart has been realizing here friends. yes, we are small- we are so small- but He wants us. He is after our hearts. Radically and FURIOUSLY after our hearts. and He will never stop chasing them.
One thing I have really been hit with since being here is the reality that being a Christian is not about performance; it’s not about doing the right things, or the “Christian” things. I feel like so much of my walk and relationship with God has been based on performance in order to prove that He should love me, that He should care and bless me and pour out favor on my life. That I am ‘good enough’ for Him, that I’m living the ‘right way’ He wants me to live. So I went to a Christian college and I joined a bible study, even led a few, I went to church every Sunday, went to chapel during the week, mission trips, led mission trips- all good things. All great things. But when your motive for these things is to ‘please’ God so he will love you more, or bless you more, that’s not what His desire is. Why?
BECAUSE HE ALREADY LOVES YOU. He already died for you. He already sent His son to suffer the most painful death- so we could have the PLEASURE of relationship with Him. There is absolutely NOTHING you can or can’t do to make Him love you more. The love is already there. It’s deep. Radical. Fierce. Strong. Compassionate. Gentle. Close. Infinite. And not for one second based on or dependent on works we do. And it’s constant. You cannot earn it friends. You have it☺ He’s just saying, “look at me. Look at my face. Because I am RADICALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.”
It's so easy to make this checklist of things to do that says, ‘my job is to love God’- so we pray, read Bible, know a lot about the Bible, put on a garment of good deeds, trying to earn salvation. And we don’t realize that it’s a free gift that we certainly do not deserve but that he freely gave us. The NATURAL OUTFLOW OF HIS LOVE FOR ME IS MY LOVE FOR HIM. Our love for Him is a response. and out of our intimacy with Jesus in this relationship will FLOW all of those things, naturally.
I am done performing, done going through motions, done striving- I just want to know Him.
You guys, I am realizing that He is more committed to me than I ever will be to Him. He is more committed to EVERY future plan I have, to the spouse I will have, to every worry and circumstance. He is FAR MORE committed to my calling, my destiny, than I will ever be. So I can actually REST. He is our Father, who only knows how to give good gifts to His children. If He is our shepherd, we don’t need to worry or want. A life free of fear is possible friends. It actually is enough at the end of the day to just love Him. A life free of fear and insecurity has to be real or the gospel is not real. To the degree we believe in the gospel is the degree we will walk in liberty. It is possible to have no wants.
Zephaniah 3:17 says that “He is in your midst”- the Hebrew word for midst actually means closer than skin.
It also says “He rejoices over you with singing”. Do you actually believe that? In Hebrew the word rejoice means to spin around under violent emotion for His people. Uncontrollably. Our God is a wildly emotional expressive lover. Singing in Hebrew means to scream with loud voice over sons and daughters. Friends, He has emotion for you.
Another verse that has given me revelation is Song of Solomon 4:9. We can read this book under different viewpoints, one being God, the groom- speaking to His bride (us). Here is a beautiful, perfect God who is running after and wooing an insecure and broken bride, me and you. He is undone by us.
It says, “you have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace”.
I have spent SO much time trying to convince God why He shouldn’t love me, trying to talk Him out of loving me because of this or that- and He’s saying that with ONE GLANCE of my eye, I’ve ravished his heart. So if I can give him one glance and capture him, how much more will I be ravished when I LOCK EYES with Him and stare at Him? He’s raising up a generation that will look at Him and choose Him over our own agendas and comforts. One that is convinced of His love and returns it. It’s the reason He sent His son. And sent him to hell and brought him back. Because WE were worth going to the cross for. So HE would have a people that wanted Eden again.
I have been so convicted of how much I want and need to be rooted in spirit and truth. He has given me complete access to Him, who He is, and what’s He is about through His word. How can I fall in love with God if I don’t know His word and His character? How do I step into a nation with the gospel if I don't know it? How cool is it that the Bible is the only book with an Author that will never die.
How can you fall in love with someone you don't know? When you glance at Jesus, just glance at Him with a passing look, His heart skips a beat for you. Jesus can’t wait until you lock eyes with Him and commune with Him. He could have chosen anywhere in the world to live, and He said “I’m going to dwell in the hearts of men”. Not a building or a program or idea or material or school- but I am choosing to dwell in MAN. That’s you and me. You carry Him inside of you. The same power that raised Christ from the dead dwells in you. He gave us DOMINION over this earth. We are His plan friends.
"The degree that we are aware of His extravagant love is the degree to which we will extravagantly love Him back."
With the revelation of the extravagant love of God comes an extravagant response. It’s not about living a ‘good enough’ life or performance.
Our time on earth is the only time in all of eternity that we have the PLEASURE of saying no to the world and yes to Jesus? We have the privilege of saying, “I am sick, but He is good”, “my circumstance is hard, but He is good” . Our lives compared to eternity are nothing. This is the only time in ALL of eternity we have the choice to say no to these things. We actually have the honor to choose Him while surrounded by sin. We will never have the privilege of worshiping Him without seeing Him ever again. We will never have a difficult circumstance in Heaven and here we get the chance to say “you are good and I will worship you” in the midst of those.
God moved violently from heaven to earth and He’s waiting for us to respond. He is the most exciting human being and asking us to join in the greatest adventure.
Our speaker today said, “the most heart breaking thing is a Christian who thinks God is boring”. He went to every extreme to win my heart, why do I question if He’s worth it?
He is asking for my joy filled surrender. He’s not a dictator. He is a loving and kind King who cares about our decision to love Him. He refuses to violate our free will to make us love Him, but He longs that we would look at the world and choose Him. Think about it, unless we had the option to not love God, we couldn’t choose to love Him.
I’m realizing how easy it is to let selfishness decide how we feel about God. My emotions make me question God and who He is. It holds me back from all He has. But it doesn’t really matter how I feel, because He is good. No matter what. What if I understood that it wasn’t about my emotion? That I don’t rule my heart, but He does. When if when I woke up I could say, “thank you for…” because in reality, I have a million things to be thankful for. But I choose to focus on the bad ones.
He offers us the most exciting, beautiful, intimate filled life with Him. This complacent life of going through the Christians motions is being struck down. This life where the Bible was read because it’s just supposed to be what we do but then we fall asleep. It’s an up and down journey and were not finding sustainability. We try and try and try and then fail, so we feel shame and failure, and then we feel His love, and then it’s this cycle over and over again.
I’m realizing how easy it is to find our identity in earthly things. Entertainment, relationships, money, our own plans, comfort, etc. These things are all temporary. These things are all going to bring temporary satisfaction. The human heart was created to give itself away to something more. Something bigger. And when you think about it, we all are giving our hearts away. But to what? Humans were created to sacrifice greatly. Think about books and movies and stories in our culture- they are all about someone sacrificing something for a greater cause. We were created to give ourselves up for something bigger- we just don’t know it’s Jesus.
Jesus went on a fast for 33 years. For 33 years He stepped out of the glory of Heaven, the splendor, the trinity, the presence of the Father. He had never been outside of revelation 4 (the throne room) and the noise of the angels and creatures. He said, “I’m leaving it all and taking the form of a human”. The God of the universe takes on the weakest and most incapable creature on earth, a human baby. By speaking He created the world, and here he lies and cries as a baby because He is tired and hungry. He becomes His own creation. This was the most costly act of love in human history. God’s own creation nailed Him to a cross and He let us do it. He endured costly devotion- and we are created to reciprocate costly love.
He is good. The promises he has for us. He sees our desires. Friends- He’s after your hearts. God is on the move in this world. And He is raising up a generation that will take one look at Him and understand how much He loves them and are willing to partner with Him to change this world. Because changing the world is not a cliché statement. That’s a reality and His destiny for His people. And this ‘radical life’ is not just for the few. No, it’s for all.
I’m Hungry for the word like never before and learning how to study the word.
Learning how to preach the gospel.
The simplicity of the gospel.
The power in the gospel.
Today I heard a message on marriage that brought me SO much revelation about this it’s ridiculous. I can’t type it out because you probably will think I am crazy for making this blogpost so long, but seriously, if you want to talk about marriage I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT I LEARNED TODAY. It radically opened my eyes and changed thoughts I’ve been stuck in about marriage.
I would seriously love to talk about this though and read you my notes and share thoughts on this.
This is literally a scratch of the surface of my heart. There is so much more. I am coming alive in ways I never thought possible. I miss you all so much. Thanks for reading my heart. I hope the revelations I am having are opening your hearts and minds also more and more to this beautiful God.
It's been a whirlwind of the past few weeks and it is incredibly hard to describe what has been going on in my heart and what I am learning the past few weeks.
This past week on Thursday, all of our lecture fees were due. Lecture phase cost us 3,900 dollars each. The founder of ywam, Loren Cunningham was our speaker last week with his wife Darlene (yes it was phenomenal. This couple is amazing) and he asked the 7 students who needed money still to come forward. With all that these students needed by the next day, it was 16,000 dollars. Yep, that’s the right number. Loren told us to ask the Lord how much He wanted us to give these students and we were going to take an offering right there. The students went on stage, they turned on some music, and we started praying and quickly giving. Picture about 100 students, missionaries, close to broke if not already broke, going up to this stage and pouring out whatever they have for their brothers and sisters. Putting their needs before their own and trusting that God will continue to provide. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I sat in the back row just crying- looking at this beautiful bunch of people who were giving literally all they had. I kid you not, in 30 minutes 16,000 dollars was taken care of. Lecture phase was paid for.
He is provider. So many students came here with literally zero dollars. Almost everyone has been raising money since being here, and it’s normal if you come here with no money because they believe God will work. And He most certainly does. If any of you want to come to ywam (which literally every one of you should come- there is a DTS that starts in September- supposed to be incredible- just saying!) but don’t doubt for one second about finances. Not one minute. That will not be something that holds you back from anything.
It's been a huge blessing getting to know my Nepal team. Last weekend we decided to rent a truck and drive to the other side of the island to watch the sunrise on the top of Mauna Kea, a volcano. We left campus around 8pm and 9 of us piled into a truck with blankets and snacks ready for a trip across the island. I sat in the back of the truck with four others and gazed at the stars painted across the sky as we drove. I have never seen stars like this in my life, I felt like I was in the midst of the Milky Way. Starring at a pitch black sky with millions of glowing white specks painted among the darkness was a sight I will never forget. Then I started to think and remember that God has named and placed each and every one. And those are just the stars visible to me, which means there are beyond millions more that my human eyes are blind to. I started to think about how big He is. How small I am. He is bigger than my life, He is bigger than my circumstances, my hopes, dreams, my problems, my town, my school, this nation, and this world. He’s bigger than all of it. This God that I have put into a box over and over again in my Christian walk is literally pushing away every wall and breaking it down. Hard and fast.
We got to a pancake house and sat for a few hours talking and drinking coffee. We left and started the freezing cold and long drive to the top of the volcano. As we drove up the windy road, piled together, I kept thinking about all of this and how crazy it is that I got here, and am here in Kona, seeking Jesus and letting Him show me more and more of who He is and who I am.
As I sat wrapped up in blankets in the back of a red truck, at the top of this ginormous volcano, above a layer of puffy white clouds, the glowing orange sky pierced the darkness slowly and started to rise and the depth of these bright colors was incredible; some yellow, pink, and purple mixed in. How beautiful that the Lord paints this sky for us? That we get to look at a picture like this? And finally the darkness was gone, the sun had risen fully and the light was overwhelming. We sat in the back of the truck speechless, in awe at the picture we were starring at. Looking out into this infinite sky and picture that goes on and on. Just like His love. And that’s what my heart has been realizing here friends. yes, we are small- we are so small- but He wants us. He is after our hearts. Radically and FURIOUSLY after our hearts. and He will never stop chasing them.
One thing I have really been hit with since being here is the reality that being a Christian is not about performance; it’s not about doing the right things, or the “Christian” things. I feel like so much of my walk and relationship with God has been based on performance in order to prove that He should love me, that He should care and bless me and pour out favor on my life. That I am ‘good enough’ for Him, that I’m living the ‘right way’ He wants me to live. So I went to a Christian college and I joined a bible study, even led a few, I went to church every Sunday, went to chapel during the week, mission trips, led mission trips- all good things. All great things. But when your motive for these things is to ‘please’ God so he will love you more, or bless you more, that’s not what His desire is. Why?
BECAUSE HE ALREADY LOVES YOU. He already died for you. He already sent His son to suffer the most painful death- so we could have the PLEASURE of relationship with Him. There is absolutely NOTHING you can or can’t do to make Him love you more. The love is already there. It’s deep. Radical. Fierce. Strong. Compassionate. Gentle. Close. Infinite. And not for one second based on or dependent on works we do. And it’s constant. You cannot earn it friends. You have it☺ He’s just saying, “look at me. Look at my face. Because I am RADICALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.”
It's so easy to make this checklist of things to do that says, ‘my job is to love God’- so we pray, read Bible, know a lot about the Bible, put on a garment of good deeds, trying to earn salvation. And we don’t realize that it’s a free gift that we certainly do not deserve but that he freely gave us. The NATURAL OUTFLOW OF HIS LOVE FOR ME IS MY LOVE FOR HIM. Our love for Him is a response. and out of our intimacy with Jesus in this relationship will FLOW all of those things, naturally.
I am done performing, done going through motions, done striving- I just want to know Him.
You guys, I am realizing that He is more committed to me than I ever will be to Him. He is more committed to EVERY future plan I have, to the spouse I will have, to every worry and circumstance. He is FAR MORE committed to my calling, my destiny, than I will ever be. So I can actually REST. He is our Father, who only knows how to give good gifts to His children. If He is our shepherd, we don’t need to worry or want. A life free of fear is possible friends. It actually is enough at the end of the day to just love Him. A life free of fear and insecurity has to be real or the gospel is not real. To the degree we believe in the gospel is the degree we will walk in liberty. It is possible to have no wants.
Zephaniah 3:17 says that “He is in your midst”- the Hebrew word for midst actually means closer than skin.
It also says “He rejoices over you with singing”. Do you actually believe that? In Hebrew the word rejoice means to spin around under violent emotion for His people. Uncontrollably. Our God is a wildly emotional expressive lover. Singing in Hebrew means to scream with loud voice over sons and daughters. Friends, He has emotion for you.
Another verse that has given me revelation is Song of Solomon 4:9. We can read this book under different viewpoints, one being God, the groom- speaking to His bride (us). Here is a beautiful, perfect God who is running after and wooing an insecure and broken bride, me and you. He is undone by us.
It says, “you have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace”.
I have spent SO much time trying to convince God why He shouldn’t love me, trying to talk Him out of loving me because of this or that- and He’s saying that with ONE GLANCE of my eye, I’ve ravished his heart. So if I can give him one glance and capture him, how much more will I be ravished when I LOCK EYES with Him and stare at Him? He’s raising up a generation that will look at Him and choose Him over our own agendas and comforts. One that is convinced of His love and returns it. It’s the reason He sent His son. And sent him to hell and brought him back. Because WE were worth going to the cross for. So HE would have a people that wanted Eden again.
I have been so convicted of how much I want and need to be rooted in spirit and truth. He has given me complete access to Him, who He is, and what’s He is about through His word. How can I fall in love with God if I don’t know His word and His character? How do I step into a nation with the gospel if I don't know it? How cool is it that the Bible is the only book with an Author that will never die.
How can you fall in love with someone you don't know? When you glance at Jesus, just glance at Him with a passing look, His heart skips a beat for you. Jesus can’t wait until you lock eyes with Him and commune with Him. He could have chosen anywhere in the world to live, and He said “I’m going to dwell in the hearts of men”. Not a building or a program or idea or material or school- but I am choosing to dwell in MAN. That’s you and me. You carry Him inside of you. The same power that raised Christ from the dead dwells in you. He gave us DOMINION over this earth. We are His plan friends.
"The degree that we are aware of His extravagant love is the degree to which we will extravagantly love Him back."
With the revelation of the extravagant love of God comes an extravagant response. It’s not about living a ‘good enough’ life or performance.
Our time on earth is the only time in all of eternity that we have the PLEASURE of saying no to the world and yes to Jesus? We have the privilege of saying, “I am sick, but He is good”, “my circumstance is hard, but He is good” . Our lives compared to eternity are nothing. This is the only time in ALL of eternity we have the choice to say no to these things. We actually have the honor to choose Him while surrounded by sin. We will never have the privilege of worshiping Him without seeing Him ever again. We will never have a difficult circumstance in Heaven and here we get the chance to say “you are good and I will worship you” in the midst of those.
God moved violently from heaven to earth and He’s waiting for us to respond. He is the most exciting human being and asking us to join in the greatest adventure.
Our speaker today said, “the most heart breaking thing is a Christian who thinks God is boring”. He went to every extreme to win my heart, why do I question if He’s worth it?
He is asking for my joy filled surrender. He’s not a dictator. He is a loving and kind King who cares about our decision to love Him. He refuses to violate our free will to make us love Him, but He longs that we would look at the world and choose Him. Think about it, unless we had the option to not love God, we couldn’t choose to love Him.
I’m realizing how easy it is to let selfishness decide how we feel about God. My emotions make me question God and who He is. It holds me back from all He has. But it doesn’t really matter how I feel, because He is good. No matter what. What if I understood that it wasn’t about my emotion? That I don’t rule my heart, but He does. When if when I woke up I could say, “thank you for…” because in reality, I have a million things to be thankful for. But I choose to focus on the bad ones.
He offers us the most exciting, beautiful, intimate filled life with Him. This complacent life of going through the Christians motions is being struck down. This life where the Bible was read because it’s just supposed to be what we do but then we fall asleep. It’s an up and down journey and were not finding sustainability. We try and try and try and then fail, so we feel shame and failure, and then we feel His love, and then it’s this cycle over and over again.
I’m realizing how easy it is to find our identity in earthly things. Entertainment, relationships, money, our own plans, comfort, etc. These things are all temporary. These things are all going to bring temporary satisfaction. The human heart was created to give itself away to something more. Something bigger. And when you think about it, we all are giving our hearts away. But to what? Humans were created to sacrifice greatly. Think about books and movies and stories in our culture- they are all about someone sacrificing something for a greater cause. We were created to give ourselves up for something bigger- we just don’t know it’s Jesus.
Jesus went on a fast for 33 years. For 33 years He stepped out of the glory of Heaven, the splendor, the trinity, the presence of the Father. He had never been outside of revelation 4 (the throne room) and the noise of the angels and creatures. He said, “I’m leaving it all and taking the form of a human”. The God of the universe takes on the weakest and most incapable creature on earth, a human baby. By speaking He created the world, and here he lies and cries as a baby because He is tired and hungry. He becomes His own creation. This was the most costly act of love in human history. God’s own creation nailed Him to a cross and He let us do it. He endured costly devotion- and we are created to reciprocate costly love.
He is good. The promises he has for us. He sees our desires. Friends- He’s after your hearts. God is on the move in this world. And He is raising up a generation that will take one look at Him and understand how much He loves them and are willing to partner with Him to change this world. Because changing the world is not a cliché statement. That’s a reality and His destiny for His people. And this ‘radical life’ is not just for the few. No, it’s for all.
I’m Hungry for the word like never before and learning how to study the word.
Learning how to preach the gospel.
The simplicity of the gospel.
The power in the gospel.
Today I heard a message on marriage that brought me SO much revelation about this it’s ridiculous. I can’t type it out because you probably will think I am crazy for making this blogpost so long, but seriously, if you want to talk about marriage I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT I LEARNED TODAY. It radically opened my eyes and changed thoughts I’ve been stuck in about marriage.
I would seriously love to talk about this though and read you my notes and share thoughts on this.
This is literally a scratch of the surface of my heart. There is so much more. I am coming alive in ways I never thought possible. I miss you all so much. Thanks for reading my heart. I hope the revelations I am having are opening your hearts and minds also more and more to this beautiful God.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
And so it begins.
Aloha from Kona, Hawaii:)
Well, it has officially been 10 days since I've arrived in Kona and been at the YWAM base here. I haven't updated my blog because 1. my schedule here is crazy. and 2. it's been hard for me to put into words what i have learned already. I am going to try:)
There are about 400 students at the base right now, so needless to say, check in day was absolutely crazy and overwhelming. I met my staff of the Awaken DTS and got settled into my new room. I have four beautiful roommates- Jen from Florida, Rachel from Portland, Karli from Vancouver, and Ilona from Finland. I have SERIOUSLY been blessed with these girls. It's been amazing. I love them a lot. Here is part of our room:)
Friday we got oriented with the beautiful campus and the buildings, etc. It's still crazy to me that I get to grow more and learn more about Jesus while in this GORGEOUS place. I get to see the most beautiful sunsets, walk to coconut grove (a little shopping center right on the ocean) to get frozen yogurt, it's been so great. There are about 90 students in my school, and right away we started getting close. I feel like I have been here for months. They have become family, instantly. This is a little of campus:
Saturday and Sunday we spent hanging out as a school and getting to know each other. They rented huge water games and slides from across the island and we spent the day hanging out and just having fun. It was awesome. Later that night the staff had a party for us and we got to just hang and have desert and get to know each other. We ended the night with an awesome time of worship and just being in prayer each other and the school.
Monday classes started. This first week we didn't have a speaker, we just got the chance to hear the testimonies of our school staff. It was incredible. This is the link to what we heard: http://www.awakendts.com/podcasts/
I would seriously encourage all of you to listen to these beautiful men and women of the Lord, where they came from, and their hearts. I am beyond blessed to be able to run with this group after the heart of God. This week we have pretty much established that none of us know what we are doing, we are just running after God together and loving each other. From there, the rest will come:)
A typical day in the life of a DTS student looks like this:
Wake up at 545, breakfast at 630, worship/prayer/intercession from 8-9, class 9-12, lunch 12-1, work duty (i am on recycling duty- basically get to drive around in a truck and collect recycling) from 3-5, then dinner, then mondays and thursdays we have either community outreach or worship as a school. SO, yes, my days are insanely busy. I am very tired at night:)
It's hard for me to process all that I have learned this week and what God has already started to show me, but I am excited about it. The next 3 months are going to be hard, as I discover more and more of what I need to grow in, walls I need to break, and areas of my heart that need to be healed and restored, but so worth it. I am learning more of my identity in Christ and how He looks at me. How much His heart beats for me and the plans that He has for me. I am learning about my own testimony, and the power in it. I used to think for so long that my testimony wasn't really worth telling or didn't have the power to reach people because I didn't have this dark crazy past that led to Jesus. But through so many of my staff, I have been learning that my story does in fact have power and is absolutely worth telling. It is a story of Gods hand of protection over my life again and again. The ways He protected me from so much is really crazy to think back on. So, to all of you, you have a story. No matter what it is. He has led you to where you are, and it is ABSOLUTELY worth sharing. Speak your testimonies with power and confidence, because the Lord HAS done incredible things in your lives that have led you to where you are now.
Here are a few points from my notes this past week that I would like to share:
-True revelation demands a response in your heart.
-We are not meant to be in control of what we do. The original sin was that, being in control and pride, it's not our way but His.
-Ephesians 2:4-6, we are seated in heavenly places with Christ.
-1 Corinthians 14- pursue love and desire the gifts.
-what you behold, you become.
-It's on His heart for EVERY person to know Him. share your story.
-when you're most uncomfortable, that is when He will work the most.
-when you pursue Christ with everything you have, heaven and earth are GOING to collide.
-our inheritance is to love.
-He is more after me than I am after Him.
-We can't do anything for the Lord to have pleasure in us, He ALREADY DOES.
-the Gospel is not about how much we can do- it's never been about us- it's about Him.
-our heart posture should be "Jesus use me".
-He has dreams He wants to release.
-Being 100 percent sure of what God wants is overrated, it's more about knowing His character.
-everything you do for God will come from the place of intimacy with God.
-Let Jesus love you and let other people watch.
-the Christian life is the most glorious invitation to the heart of God.
-There is no heart too hard for Jesus.
-He is radically and furiously devoted to us.
One of our staff went through 1 Corinthians 13- explained each one as if it was the Lord speaking to us- I want to encourage all of you to read that and go through each aspect of love as it reveals more and more of the heart of God and His character.
SO, this September, 90 students and 28 staff will be sent out literally ALL over the world. Here are the countries that we are sending teams to:
We found out these countries on Wednesday, had 20 hours to pray about where we felt God wanted us, wrote down our top choice on Thursday morning, and were introduced to our team on Friday. I was in the prayer room and asked God where He wanted me, Nepal was the first country that came into my head, and then I saw a picture of this coffee shop. I didn't think anything of it and then saw a friend who is doing another school here and told him I think I am writing down Nepal and explained the coffee shop. Well, he used to work at a coffee shop in Holland Michigan and knows a man who owns a coffee shop in Nepal and runs that as his ministry sharing the gospel there. crazyyyyyy. so that was confirmation also. and then my other friend came up and told me that he watched our outreach video twice that morning and asked the Lord where I was going to go, and he got Nepal also. So, needless to say, I wrote down Nepal. and felt so much peace about it. Friday morning we found out, and yes, I am going to Nepal. The crazy thing is that my girl leader, Haley, is one of the girl staff I have gotten extremely close with and she speaks a LOT of truth into my life. and about 6 of the 7 students on my team are people who I have already began becoming really close with. Total blessing. We are really focused on becoming a family and just learning how to love each other and out of that love coming Jesus and being able to share the gospel with each other. So, its going to be an incredible journey with these beautiful people over the next six months. We really are going to change the world.
Meet my team:
Haley Austin (team leader), Sacramento, California
Cody Sanford (team leader), Denver, Colorado
Amy, Orange City, Iowa
Chris Dirks, Excelsior, Minnesota
Don Bloomer, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Jenn Baxter, Jacksonville, Florida
Scott Pitsch, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Sarah Justice-Borger, Alta Loma, California
ME!
and this my friends and family, is my beautiful team headed to Nepal to bring the good news:) Love and miss you ALL!
Well, it has officially been 10 days since I've arrived in Kona and been at the YWAM base here. I haven't updated my blog because 1. my schedule here is crazy. and 2. it's been hard for me to put into words what i have learned already. I am going to try:)
There are about 400 students at the base right now, so needless to say, check in day was absolutely crazy and overwhelming. I met my staff of the Awaken DTS and got settled into my new room. I have four beautiful roommates- Jen from Florida, Rachel from Portland, Karli from Vancouver, and Ilona from Finland. I have SERIOUSLY been blessed with these girls. It's been amazing. I love them a lot. Here is part of our room:)
Friday we got oriented with the beautiful campus and the buildings, etc. It's still crazy to me that I get to grow more and learn more about Jesus while in this GORGEOUS place. I get to see the most beautiful sunsets, walk to coconut grove (a little shopping center right on the ocean) to get frozen yogurt, it's been so great. There are about 90 students in my school, and right away we started getting close. I feel like I have been here for months. They have become family, instantly. This is a little of campus:
Saturday and Sunday we spent hanging out as a school and getting to know each other. They rented huge water games and slides from across the island and we spent the day hanging out and just having fun. It was awesome. Later that night the staff had a party for us and we got to just hang and have desert and get to know each other. We ended the night with an awesome time of worship and just being in prayer each other and the school.
Monday classes started. This first week we didn't have a speaker, we just got the chance to hear the testimonies of our school staff. It was incredible. This is the link to what we heard: http://www.awakendts.com/podcasts/
I would seriously encourage all of you to listen to these beautiful men and women of the Lord, where they came from, and their hearts. I am beyond blessed to be able to run with this group after the heart of God. This week we have pretty much established that none of us know what we are doing, we are just running after God together and loving each other. From there, the rest will come:)
A typical day in the life of a DTS student looks like this:
Wake up at 545, breakfast at 630, worship/prayer/intercession from 8-9, class 9-12, lunch 12-1, work duty (i am on recycling duty- basically get to drive around in a truck and collect recycling) from 3-5, then dinner, then mondays and thursdays we have either community outreach or worship as a school. SO, yes, my days are insanely busy. I am very tired at night:)
It's hard for me to process all that I have learned this week and what God has already started to show me, but I am excited about it. The next 3 months are going to be hard, as I discover more and more of what I need to grow in, walls I need to break, and areas of my heart that need to be healed and restored, but so worth it. I am learning more of my identity in Christ and how He looks at me. How much His heart beats for me and the plans that He has for me. I am learning about my own testimony, and the power in it. I used to think for so long that my testimony wasn't really worth telling or didn't have the power to reach people because I didn't have this dark crazy past that led to Jesus. But through so many of my staff, I have been learning that my story does in fact have power and is absolutely worth telling. It is a story of Gods hand of protection over my life again and again. The ways He protected me from so much is really crazy to think back on. So, to all of you, you have a story. No matter what it is. He has led you to where you are, and it is ABSOLUTELY worth sharing. Speak your testimonies with power and confidence, because the Lord HAS done incredible things in your lives that have led you to where you are now.
Here are a few points from my notes this past week that I would like to share:
-True revelation demands a response in your heart.
-We are not meant to be in control of what we do. The original sin was that, being in control and pride, it's not our way but His.
-Ephesians 2:4-6, we are seated in heavenly places with Christ.
-1 Corinthians 14- pursue love and desire the gifts.
-what you behold, you become.
-It's on His heart for EVERY person to know Him. share your story.
-when you're most uncomfortable, that is when He will work the most.
-when you pursue Christ with everything you have, heaven and earth are GOING to collide.
-our inheritance is to love.
-He is more after me than I am after Him.
-We can't do anything for the Lord to have pleasure in us, He ALREADY DOES.
-the Gospel is not about how much we can do- it's never been about us- it's about Him.
-our heart posture should be "Jesus use me".
-He has dreams He wants to release.
-Being 100 percent sure of what God wants is overrated, it's more about knowing His character.
-everything you do for God will come from the place of intimacy with God.
-Let Jesus love you and let other people watch.
-the Christian life is the most glorious invitation to the heart of God.
-There is no heart too hard for Jesus.
-He is radically and furiously devoted to us.
One of our staff went through 1 Corinthians 13- explained each one as if it was the Lord speaking to us- I want to encourage all of you to read that and go through each aspect of love as it reveals more and more of the heart of God and His character.
SO, this September, 90 students and 28 staff will be sent out literally ALL over the world. Here are the countries that we are sending teams to:
We found out these countries on Wednesday, had 20 hours to pray about where we felt God wanted us, wrote down our top choice on Thursday morning, and were introduced to our team on Friday. I was in the prayer room and asked God where He wanted me, Nepal was the first country that came into my head, and then I saw a picture of this coffee shop. I didn't think anything of it and then saw a friend who is doing another school here and told him I think I am writing down Nepal and explained the coffee shop. Well, he used to work at a coffee shop in Holland Michigan and knows a man who owns a coffee shop in Nepal and runs that as his ministry sharing the gospel there. crazyyyyyy. so that was confirmation also. and then my other friend came up and told me that he watched our outreach video twice that morning and asked the Lord where I was going to go, and he got Nepal also. So, needless to say, I wrote down Nepal. and felt so much peace about it. Friday morning we found out, and yes, I am going to Nepal. The crazy thing is that my girl leader, Haley, is one of the girl staff I have gotten extremely close with and she speaks a LOT of truth into my life. and about 6 of the 7 students on my team are people who I have already began becoming really close with. Total blessing. We are really focused on becoming a family and just learning how to love each other and out of that love coming Jesus and being able to share the gospel with each other. So, its going to be an incredible journey with these beautiful people over the next six months. We really are going to change the world.
Meet my team:
Haley Austin (team leader), Sacramento, California
Cody Sanford (team leader), Denver, Colorado
Amy, Orange City, Iowa
Chris Dirks, Excelsior, Minnesota
Don Bloomer, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Jenn Baxter, Jacksonville, Florida
Scott Pitsch, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Sarah Justice-Borger, Alta Loma, California
ME!
and this my friends and family, is my beautiful team headed to Nepal to bring the good news:) Love and miss you ALL!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
beautiful transitions.
This transition has been one of the most beautifully difficult ones of my life thus far.
How do you leave a place that has become home? A community that has embraced you? A church that has poured into you? Professors and staff that have believed in you and challenged you? Friends that have wrapped you in love, walked with you through the broken and joyful times, who have shown you a bit more about the heart of God. about forgiveness and grace. These people and this place have changed me, forever.
This thing people talk about during senior year -graduation- brings a handful of worry, anxiety, fear, along with excitement, hope, and opportunity beyond our imagination. What do we do with all these emotions?
I tried to "prepare" myself for this. For this ending and this new beginning. How do you end four years? I tried to think about it and talk about it and figure out how I was going to feel or what this new time would look like. However, I have realized, that is not obtainable. This transition cannot be described, planned, or felt, until it happens.
Until you sit around 745 beautiful people who you have seen for the past four memorable and defining years of you're life, whether on the way to class, across the hall, down the street, in a coffee shop,at the library,the beach, on the field, in the prayer room- these people are family. they are in a deep, deep place in my heart. These people are home.
Until you walk across that stage in an over-sized blue gown with a cap on you're head and receive a diploma. Until that 'major' you changed five times becomes a degree you earned. The countless hours you spent studying for that number on you're transcript to prove your dedication becomes real.
Until you become a teacher. an accountant. a nurse. a med student.a social worker. maybe a grad student.a writer. Until after two hours, you are officially done.
Until you become a Hope College Alum, this time of life cannot be prepared for. and when it happens, a whole new rush of emotions come with it. It seems like the door slams shut and a new one slowly starts to creep open. You start saying goodbye, in whatever way you know how, and you start walking forward. One foot at a time, into the rest of you're life. The rest of this beautiful life that the Lord has given us, established for us, which can now entail anything that He has for us, and anyplace He might want to send us. This time is a beautifully vulnerable place, which I think the Lord really loves, and we humans really hate. There is no set 'plan' from now on. There are no more set 'rules' to follow. and we have lost control, we have to set our own agendas down and we are being asked to walk in obedience to what He is asking of us. are we willing? am I willing? to push aside the control I have realized I love. the plans I want to make? the places I want to hold onto? the comfort and safety I am used to and wanting to keep a grip on? Am I willing to not let this fear of the unknown take over?
I want to say yes. and slowly, I am getting there.
This time after graduation has been by far one of the most difficult for me. I really love people. and some of the people the Lord has blessed my life with over the past four years are irreplaceable. absolutely beautiful people who have changed my life in numerous ways. people I want to be a huge part of my life. these people are beginning to scatter, all over the world. they are being sent out, which is one heck of a picture- 745 sons and daughters of the King- who were prepared for four years for this- to be sent. into the world. to change. to bring the Kingdom. this picture is what I am holding onto, because it's not about what I want. it's not about me wanting to be in the same physical space as these people or staying in the place i am comfortable and safe in, as wonderful as that would be. it's about Him. His glory. His word. His love. His plans- for all of our lives. and He is at work right now. it's about me trusting that the Lord will sustain and provide. no matter where we are in this world. He holds these relationships together. I think it's about remembering that He is so much bigger, than me. than my life. than hope college. than the world. He is big.
We are part of His plan of redemption. and I am learning, little by little, what it means to run towards the cross with faith in what I cannot see- which is almost everything right now. My life right now looks pretty foggy. unclear. I have the next step 'figured out'. I don't know what that entails- the relationships I will make, the places I will go, the ways the Lord will use me, break me, mold me, wreck me. I do not know much besides where I will be physically, for three months, which seems quite minimal compared to the rest of my life.
We have a father who is jealous for us. We have a good God. He delights in His children. He has the best for us. and He has designed us for His glory and His purpose. We have power and authority in Jesus. and maybe, just maybe, having a foggy vision of the rest of life is how He makes clear His plans. His agenda. how He teaches us to trust. to let go. to be bold. to rid ourselves of this world. to be willing and vulnerable. to go against the norm. just maybe, this is how we learn to follow Jesus. if so, bring on the foggy. teach me how to love a hazy future and grow my heart and eyes on gripping the present and being secure in this place that the Lord has called me. no matter what the world 'expects' of having plans.
A lot of letting go right now. A lot of trust. Faith. Expectations. fears.
As I prepare for the next step in my life, my discipleship training school which starts in a little over a month, I am getting a glimpse of what it means to rest. What do you do with two months of no plans, agenda, or job? What does rest mean without feeling lazy?
it means walking my dogs with my mom.crafting.it means early nights to bed.it means running.it means sitting at a coffee shop reading for hours.going for a drive. learning to cook.letters.listening to music.seeing old friends.roaming the city of Chicago.trying new churches.bike rides.
I am being shown the rich blessing of a time of rest. God is showing me that when we give Him time in our days to move, He certainly does. For much of my time at Hope, I planned my days to the tee. I justified being busy with the fact that they were all 'good' things. God wants time. Just us and Him. Daily. I guess that means we have to actually make room for that. He wants time and He wants us to let Him move in our days, to let Him show up. Friends, He really does.
I am excited to continue preparing for this adventure. In just a little over a month I will be getting on a plane, flying to Phoenix then Kona, and then outreach into another country end of September/early October. I am ready to be refined. challenged. broken. filled. sent out. wrecked for the ordinary. I am ready to see what the Lord wants with my life. with a heart abandoned to Him.
i am ready to lay it all down for the sake of knowing Jesus. Because He is worth it.
I will continue to keep you updated on this journey:) Thank you for reading.
"A man can plan his course, but the Lord establishes his steps" Proverbs 16:9. Clinging to this verse.
How do you leave a place that has become home? A community that has embraced you? A church that has poured into you? Professors and staff that have believed in you and challenged you? Friends that have wrapped you in love, walked with you through the broken and joyful times, who have shown you a bit more about the heart of God. about forgiveness and grace. These people and this place have changed me, forever.
This thing people talk about during senior year -graduation- brings a handful of worry, anxiety, fear, along with excitement, hope, and opportunity beyond our imagination. What do we do with all these emotions?
I tried to "prepare" myself for this. For this ending and this new beginning. How do you end four years? I tried to think about it and talk about it and figure out how I was going to feel or what this new time would look like. However, I have realized, that is not obtainable. This transition cannot be described, planned, or felt, until it happens.
Until you sit around 745 beautiful people who you have seen for the past four memorable and defining years of you're life, whether on the way to class, across the hall, down the street, in a coffee shop,at the library,the beach, on the field, in the prayer room- these people are family. they are in a deep, deep place in my heart. These people are home.
Until you walk across that stage in an over-sized blue gown with a cap on you're head and receive a diploma. Until that 'major' you changed five times becomes a degree you earned. The countless hours you spent studying for that number on you're transcript to prove your dedication becomes real.
Until you become a teacher. an accountant. a nurse. a med student.a social worker. maybe a grad student.a writer. Until after two hours, you are officially done.
Until you become a Hope College Alum, this time of life cannot be prepared for. and when it happens, a whole new rush of emotions come with it. It seems like the door slams shut and a new one slowly starts to creep open. You start saying goodbye, in whatever way you know how, and you start walking forward. One foot at a time, into the rest of you're life. The rest of this beautiful life that the Lord has given us, established for us, which can now entail anything that He has for us, and anyplace He might want to send us. This time is a beautifully vulnerable place, which I think the Lord really loves, and we humans really hate. There is no set 'plan' from now on. There are no more set 'rules' to follow. and we have lost control, we have to set our own agendas down and we are being asked to walk in obedience to what He is asking of us. are we willing? am I willing? to push aside the control I have realized I love. the plans I want to make? the places I want to hold onto? the comfort and safety I am used to and wanting to keep a grip on? Am I willing to not let this fear of the unknown take over?
I want to say yes. and slowly, I am getting there.
This time after graduation has been by far one of the most difficult for me. I really love people. and some of the people the Lord has blessed my life with over the past four years are irreplaceable. absolutely beautiful people who have changed my life in numerous ways. people I want to be a huge part of my life. these people are beginning to scatter, all over the world. they are being sent out, which is one heck of a picture- 745 sons and daughters of the King- who were prepared for four years for this- to be sent. into the world. to change. to bring the Kingdom. this picture is what I am holding onto, because it's not about what I want. it's not about me wanting to be in the same physical space as these people or staying in the place i am comfortable and safe in, as wonderful as that would be. it's about Him. His glory. His word. His love. His plans- for all of our lives. and He is at work right now. it's about me trusting that the Lord will sustain and provide. no matter where we are in this world. He holds these relationships together. I think it's about remembering that He is so much bigger, than me. than my life. than hope college. than the world. He is big.
We are part of His plan of redemption. and I am learning, little by little, what it means to run towards the cross with faith in what I cannot see- which is almost everything right now. My life right now looks pretty foggy. unclear. I have the next step 'figured out'. I don't know what that entails- the relationships I will make, the places I will go, the ways the Lord will use me, break me, mold me, wreck me. I do not know much besides where I will be physically, for three months, which seems quite minimal compared to the rest of my life.
We have a father who is jealous for us. We have a good God. He delights in His children. He has the best for us. and He has designed us for His glory and His purpose. We have power and authority in Jesus. and maybe, just maybe, having a foggy vision of the rest of life is how He makes clear His plans. His agenda. how He teaches us to trust. to let go. to be bold. to rid ourselves of this world. to be willing and vulnerable. to go against the norm. just maybe, this is how we learn to follow Jesus. if so, bring on the foggy. teach me how to love a hazy future and grow my heart and eyes on gripping the present and being secure in this place that the Lord has called me. no matter what the world 'expects' of having plans.
A lot of letting go right now. A lot of trust. Faith. Expectations. fears.
As I prepare for the next step in my life, my discipleship training school which starts in a little over a month, I am getting a glimpse of what it means to rest. What do you do with two months of no plans, agenda, or job? What does rest mean without feeling lazy?
it means walking my dogs with my mom.crafting.it means early nights to bed.it means running.it means sitting at a coffee shop reading for hours.going for a drive. learning to cook.letters.listening to music.seeing old friends.roaming the city of Chicago.trying new churches.bike rides.
I am being shown the rich blessing of a time of rest. God is showing me that when we give Him time in our days to move, He certainly does. For much of my time at Hope, I planned my days to the tee. I justified being busy with the fact that they were all 'good' things. God wants time. Just us and Him. Daily. I guess that means we have to actually make room for that. He wants time and He wants us to let Him move in our days, to let Him show up. Friends, He really does.
I am excited to continue preparing for this adventure. In just a little over a month I will be getting on a plane, flying to Phoenix then Kona, and then outreach into another country end of September/early October. I am ready to be refined. challenged. broken. filled. sent out. wrecked for the ordinary. I am ready to see what the Lord wants with my life. with a heart abandoned to Him.
i am ready to lay it all down for the sake of knowing Jesus. Because He is worth it.
I will continue to keep you updated on this journey:) Thank you for reading.
"A man can plan his course, but the Lord establishes his steps" Proverbs 16:9. Clinging to this verse.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
God Is FAITHFUL.
This semester has been one of God proving His faithfulness over and over again, in so many ways. Regarding YWAM and my fundraising for this DTS- He has rocked my world and hit me upside the head with His faithfulness. He never fails, friends.
He will get you wherever He wants you. No questions asked.
So many times we hear how we have a God who is faithful, and sometimes as Christians I think our language can get thrown around really easily. Until we see this and feel it, our hearts have a hard time believing it.
My biggest fear in committing to YWAM has been the money. How me, a college student, who has no steady job, is going to raise 9,500 dollars. I kept saying, “God- if this is your call for my life, you are going to have to show me that you will get me there”. Funny how seriously God takes that.
Over Christmas break a wonderful Sister and friend suggested we try to plan a ‘benefit concert’ to help raise money for YWAM. So the idea was thrown around and we emailed about 15 different people we thought might be interested and were musically very gifted. Within an hour of this email, EVERY artist responded with a yes. COOL. From the idea of this concert to the actual night, God beautifully orchestrated the entire thing. We easily got an auditorium on Hope campus for free. A friend made BEAUTIFUL posters and hung them up all around campus. A friend graciously offered to help decorate the entire auditorium for the event. She spent countless hours in the art building making things for the night such as wreaths made out of vines, prayer cards, donations box, mason jars used for donations, candle displays, etc. She did a wonderful job. It looked beautiful. Cozy. inviting. warm. So, Friday February 18th came around and we spent the day running around campus getting furniture and last minute stops to make this room what we hoped. We had a blast doing this. We opened the door to Maas auditorium and we thought, “wow, this room is HUGE. bigger than we thought. welp, lets hope people come”. That week was so filled with joy and I was truly overwhelmed with the amount of help my community offered and their willingness to be a part of this. The artists all arrived around 630 to do sound check and make sure everything was alright. They were all pumped. It was beautiful to see a bunch of brothers and sisters standing in this room, filled with JOY and excitement, ready to glorify God and bring His name praise. SUCH WILLING HEARTS. Words cannot even express how thankful I am for these people. I am deeply loved. Everything went smoothly and around 7:10 someone told me that people were waiting outside the doors for this to start. I thought, “what? It doesn’t start until 8″.
It started at 8.THE AUDITORIUM WAS PACKED. Filled. With One God. With freshmen through seniors. Friends. Strangers. A few adults. Smiling faces. Joy-filled laughter. Eager hearts. ALL there for one reason: to further the Kingdom.
The most beautiful thing I took from this night was the picture of the BODY of Christ that I got. This was it. A room packed of brothers and sisters there to support the Kingdom. Willing to give for our God.
Every artist did wonderfully. Played around 3 or 4 songs. A few wrote their own:) There was coffee donated from a local coffee shop, baked goods from some beautiful sisters. A whole lot of smiles and prayers. I have never felt so deeply loved by the body of Christ and confident that I have an army of people who are standing next to me through this journey. A body who is for me. All for the Kingdom.
To bring HIM GLORY.
So, I was hoping for between 800 and 1,000 dollars from that night. An announcement was made before the last band played, that we raised 2,000 dollars. I was in complete awe. and then tears built up. and I stood and let it soak in that GOD PROVIDED that money. That a room of college students just did that in 3 hours. FOR HIS GLORY. The Lord used this night in more ways than I ever thought possible. He is good.
SO. so. good.
Each one of you were MADE FOR GLORY. I am learning that. I am learning how much God really is our provider. He will get us WHEREVER HE WANTS US. Nothing can or will stop Him.
This God that we SO easily put ‘limits’ on is EXPLODING. I think He is laughing right now, at the fact that we are surprised by this. HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS. and He has NO LIMITS. None. We put Him in a box so easily.
That’s gotta stop:)
**Psalm 115
**Isaiah 61
**James 1:17
Be blessed, brothers and sisters.
He will get you wherever He wants you. No questions asked.
So many times we hear how we have a God who is faithful, and sometimes as Christians I think our language can get thrown around really easily. Until we see this and feel it, our hearts have a hard time believing it.
My biggest fear in committing to YWAM has been the money. How me, a college student, who has no steady job, is going to raise 9,500 dollars. I kept saying, “God- if this is your call for my life, you are going to have to show me that you will get me there”. Funny how seriously God takes that.
Over Christmas break a wonderful Sister and friend suggested we try to plan a ‘benefit concert’ to help raise money for YWAM. So the idea was thrown around and we emailed about 15 different people we thought might be interested and were musically very gifted. Within an hour of this email, EVERY artist responded with a yes. COOL. From the idea of this concert to the actual night, God beautifully orchestrated the entire thing. We easily got an auditorium on Hope campus for free. A friend made BEAUTIFUL posters and hung them up all around campus. A friend graciously offered to help decorate the entire auditorium for the event. She spent countless hours in the art building making things for the night such as wreaths made out of vines, prayer cards, donations box, mason jars used for donations, candle displays, etc. She did a wonderful job. It looked beautiful. Cozy. inviting. warm. So, Friday February 18th came around and we spent the day running around campus getting furniture and last minute stops to make this room what we hoped. We had a blast doing this. We opened the door to Maas auditorium and we thought, “wow, this room is HUGE. bigger than we thought. welp, lets hope people come”. That week was so filled with joy and I was truly overwhelmed with the amount of help my community offered and their willingness to be a part of this. The artists all arrived around 630 to do sound check and make sure everything was alright. They were all pumped. It was beautiful to see a bunch of brothers and sisters standing in this room, filled with JOY and excitement, ready to glorify God and bring His name praise. SUCH WILLING HEARTS. Words cannot even express how thankful I am for these people. I am deeply loved. Everything went smoothly and around 7:10 someone told me that people were waiting outside the doors for this to start. I thought, “what? It doesn’t start until 8″.
It started at 8.THE AUDITORIUM WAS PACKED. Filled. With One God. With freshmen through seniors. Friends. Strangers. A few adults. Smiling faces. Joy-filled laughter. Eager hearts. ALL there for one reason: to further the Kingdom.
The most beautiful thing I took from this night was the picture of the BODY of Christ that I got. This was it. A room packed of brothers and sisters there to support the Kingdom. Willing to give for our God.
Every artist did wonderfully. Played around 3 or 4 songs. A few wrote their own:) There was coffee donated from a local coffee shop, baked goods from some beautiful sisters. A whole lot of smiles and prayers. I have never felt so deeply loved by the body of Christ and confident that I have an army of people who are standing next to me through this journey. A body who is for me. All for the Kingdom.
To bring HIM GLORY.
So, I was hoping for between 800 and 1,000 dollars from that night. An announcement was made before the last band played, that we raised 2,000 dollars. I was in complete awe. and then tears built up. and I stood and let it soak in that GOD PROVIDED that money. That a room of college students just did that in 3 hours. FOR HIS GLORY. The Lord used this night in more ways than I ever thought possible. He is good.
SO. so. good.
Each one of you were MADE FOR GLORY. I am learning that. I am learning how much God really is our provider. He will get us WHEREVER HE WANTS US. Nothing can or will stop Him.
This God that we SO easily put ‘limits’ on is EXPLODING. I think He is laughing right now, at the fact that we are surprised by this. HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS. and He has NO LIMITS. None. We put Him in a box so easily.
That’s gotta stop:)
**Psalm 115
**Isaiah 61
**James 1:17
Be blessed, brothers and sisters.
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